Jack Grealish to Liverpool as ‘somewhat unholy union’ is teased
Is Jack Grealish joining Liverpool? Is he balls. Does everybody want you to think Jack Grealish is joining Liverpool? Oh yes.
Mediawatch
‘So-called “Arteta rule”‘ introduced for Club World Cup in bizarre move after Arsenal incidents
How do you drive Premier League interest in a Club World Cup shorn of England’s three biggest teams? By pretending there is a new ‘so-called “Arteta rule”‘.
Jude Bellingham distracted by ‘bikini bodies’ as Jeff Powell goes full Jeff Powell
Frankly, we would have been more surprised if the Daily Mail had NOT wheeled out Jeff Powell to call for the sacking of Thomas Tuchel.
Bellingham ‘put foot through water cooler’ after ‘chasing’ and ‘screeching’ at ref – but no proof exists
Jude Bellingham physically assaulted a water cooler and abused the referees with an England teammate ‘forced’ to step in. But there is no proof it happened.
England need Jack Grealish to avert ‘full-on crisis’ before World Cup
England stumbled to a 1-0 win over Andorra so of course they need Jack Grealish and his ‘personality’.
Liverpool stunned by ‘bombshell’ Diaz comment which is ‘bound to infuriate’ Slot
Luis Diaz has dropped a ‘bombshell’ which is ‘bound to infuriate’ manager Arne Slot: he is talking with other clubs, but also very specifically Liverpool.
Florian Wirtz ‘barely visible’ yet somehow ‘studs-up raking’ Bruno Fernandes
Florian Wirtz was tackled by Bruno Fernandes and accidentally stood on his foot. And from that comes some absolute nonsense.
Bruno Fernandes ‘finally’ ‘breaks silence’ as Marcus Rashford ‘surprise’ deals Man Utd huge blow
In which the Mirror do weird things with Bruno Fernandes quotes both ancient and modern, Florian Wirtz is absolutely furious and Mary Earps should be more like Joe Root.
‘Well well well’: The three words that could lead to Club World Cup fisticuffs
The Chief Football Correspondent of the Daily Telegraph found the words ‘well’, ‘well’ and ‘well’ to be so triggering that he wants a word…
Bruno Fernandes clearly joining Al-Hilal after he was ‘spotted’ at birthday party
Bruno Fernandes may leave Manchester United but it will not be because he attended a birthday dinner with his friend…
Man Utd ‘FIRE SALE’ and Liverpool £315m fund-raise in transfer nonsense
We are firmly in transfer hell so that can only mean one thing: FIRE SALE. Manchester United oblige as Liverpool look to make trillions.
Man Utd ‘close’ to signing absolutely nobody but let’s pretend…
Manchester United are in a mess but somebody would like you to believe that they are about to sign Liam Delap and/or Viktor Gyokeres.
Will Florian Wirtz wear ‘iconic’, ‘dream’ or ‘unusual’ Liverpool shirt number?
Florian Wirtz was going to get the ‘perfect gift’ of an ‘iconic’ Liverpool shirt and then his ‘dream’ was ‘blocked’. It’s a journey.
Arsenal transfer boost as release clause activated and true colours shown – truly the summer is here
Release clauses activated, transfer boosts received, true colours shown and volumes spoken: the football season is dead, long live the transfer season.
Manchester United ‘brains trust’ demoted while Slot ‘turns on’ Alexander-Arnold (and Salah)
Sir Jim Ratcliffe’s ‘hell of a brains trust’ at Manchester United from October has been demoted to a mere hopeless ‘crew’, with Trent Alexander-Arnold in the firing line.
Man Utd ‘make sack decision’ amid BRUTAL dig from Harry Maguire
Man Utd lost to Spurs and you might have thought that was interesting enough without inventing BRUTAL digs and ‘sack decisions’.
Man Utd and Spurs so stupid they’ve broken the supercomputers ahead of Europa final
There’s a 50.3 per cent chance Spurs win the Europa League final. Or a 50.7 per cent chance Man United win it. Not even supercomputers can cope with these two.
Trent ‘sheepish, moody and visibly pained’ as Liverpool lose
Trent didn’t play. He didn’t speak. He had a neutral expression. And yet his non-actions ‘said it all’. It says something, alright, but it’s not about Trent.
Could Man Utd sign Cunha in ‘cut-price deal’ thanks to Liverpool?
Absolutely not but we all get to put Liverpool and Man Utd in the same headline so whoop-de-doo.
Manchester United face ‘£60m loss’ after ‘huge twist’ in Rashford future which no-one saw coming
There has been a ‘huge twist’ in the future of Marcus Rashford, with Manchester United facing a ‘£60m loss’ after another ‘staggering blow’ financially.
Ruben Amorim sack ultimatum as Gary Neville does a massive Man Utd u-turn
Is the Man Utd axe ‘looming’ for Ruben Amorim? No, but many want you to think that. Meanwhile, Gary Neville is the king of hyperbole.
Delap prefers Chelsea over Man Utd or the other way around as United aim to buck 60-year trend
Liam Delap would rather join Man United than Chelsea, or he would rather join Chelsea than Man United. It all depends whether you believe The Sun or… The Sun.
Sir Jim Ratcliffe is ‘best of men’ while Arsenal are ‘lucky, lucky, lucky’
Arsenal are seemingly ‘lucky’ that they play in the Premier League and not in Portugal while Sir Jim Ratcliffe is a victim of Man Utd.
Ruben Amorim ‘sack plan’ unwittingly revealed six weeks ago
We wonder if The Athletic’s Manchester United man realised that he was revealed their Ruben Amorim ‘sack plan’ in early April?
Amorim ‘forced’ to wear plaster as Manchester United joy overshadowed by manager’s knuckles
Manchester United should be celebrating reaching a Europa League final, but Ruben Amorim was ‘forced’ to wear a plaster ‘just months’ after getting angry.
‘Arteta sack’ headlines abound as Odegaard ‘blamed’ for non-existent change
Did Arsenal make a ‘sack decision’ on Mikel Arteta within an hour of the final whistle in Paris? It seems unlikely.
Arsene Wenger doubles down on his terrible offside bollocks; we need an intervention
Arsene Wenger is back on his unhinged hobby horse and that’s not the only bad news for Arsenal with revenge missions and William Saliba’s future up in the air.
Arsenal WILL give guard of honour as ‘nothing stopping’ Trent Liverpool return
The Daily Mail can exclusively reveal that Arsenal will probably do that thing that everybody does, while Trent is on his way back to Liverpool. Ish.
Arsenal face ‘nightmare’ of needing to beat Southampton for Champions League place
Arsenal are ‘sweating’ on Champions League qualification and could face the ‘nightmare’ prospect of needing to beat Southampton to confirm their place.
Ruben Amorim (not) stumped by Man Utd question as Liverpool man keeps quiet
Ruben Amorim was asked a question which he answered while Liverpool are also pulled into the narrative as Federico Chiesa involved…
Arsenal torn to shreds in never-before-seen scenes that are identical to previously seen scenes
It turns out that a brilliant left-winger who makes very good right-backs look like fools is an entirely unique and novel concept.
Arsenal v PSG prompts ‘digs’, exposes a ‘weakness’ and more nonsense
Arsenal v PSG should be sexy enough without claiming the Gunners have identified a ‘weakness’ or that Luis Enrique has had a ‘dig’ at Liverpool.
Liverpool ‘greatest’, Arne Slot bestest ever but Arsenal prepare for ‘bigger things’
There’s an awful lot of nonsense after Liverpool won the title about guards of honour and medals, and also how Arsenal could usurp them…