Manchester United get ‘green light’ for deal Ratcliffe would literally never sanction
Arsenal should probably be stripped of their Premier League title, while Manchester United have a ‘green light’ to do something stupid.
Mediawatch
Man United ‘will not’ sign another midfielder this summer after £75m/£65m/£100m Anderson surrender
Man United were ‘ready to go head to head’ over Elliot Anderson, but might have been left confused by his fluctuating valuation.
Rashford ‘in’ Arsenal ‘talks’ as England face ‘humiliation’ in America and Palace cause headache
The Marcus Rashford Transfer Saga has already delivered an early summer low with Arsenal ‘talks’ emerging but absolutely not really.
Arteta ‘brutally SNUBBED’ – according to man who called Arsenal ‘mentality muppets’ who have ‘gone backwards’
Mikel Arteta has been ‘brutally SNUBBED’ – but is he still a ‘deluded’ manager of ‘mentality muppets’ who have ‘gone backwards’ in Arsenal?
Maguire ‘shocked’ but also ‘understood’ hidden Tuchel message about World Cup place
Harry Maguire somehow ‘understood’ a hidden Thomas Tuchel message in March, while two Arsenal stars in particular are slammed for being happy.
Liverpool field Mohamed Salah BAN calls as 1500/1 Champions League play-off looms
Liverpool and Bournemouth are on course for a dramatic play-off to secure Champions League football, as long as you ignore the odds.
Arsenal aces face possible Premier League medal snub just for playing no Premier League games
The Premier League title is Arsenal’s and relegation goes down to the final day. But we’re not really interested in any of that…
Arsenal title hopes rocked by ‘ugly, painful’ win as Man City given ‘encouragement’
Arsenal took another step towards the title by beating Burnley – except the manner of that win ‘will give City greater encouragement’.
Harry Kane concern and calls for Jude Bellingham snub – are England in CRISIS?
England’s World Cup preparation is already in very real crisis as doubts emerge over Harry Kane’s form amid calls to axe Jude Bellingham.
Manchester United learn Ferguson ‘stance’ on Carrick and true Fernandes ‘thoughts’ on transfer target
Manchester United will have been rocked by Sir Alex Ferguson’s ‘stance’ on Michael Carrick and Bruno Fernandes’ verdict on a transfer target.
Arsenal sent Barcola ‘transfer message’ that is neither transfer message nor sent to Arsenal
PSG boss Luis Enrique said ‘I have no important information for you’ and this is clearly a transfer message to Arsenal because reasons.
Declan Rice ‘sacrificed’ as Arsenal transfer deal emerges amid England squad ‘whispers’
Declan Rice has been sacrificed, but not really. The England World Cup squad has been leaked, but not really. Is anything actually real?
Casemiro delivers ‘huge Ronaldo snub’ as Manchester United consider lifting Newcastle transfer ban
Could Manchester United really lift their definitely real Newcastle transfer embargo? And Casemiro has delivered a ‘huge Ronaldo snub’.
Arsenal sign Kylian Mbappe as all VAR arguments ended forever; what a time to be alive
Arsenal will now probably win the title, but more impressively have ended all debate about technology in football. And signed Kylian Mbappe. Maybe.
EXCLUSIVE: Manchester United still obviously aren’t signing Cole Palmer
A ‘final call’ has been made on whether Manchester United will target Cole Palmer this summer – and it looks awfully familiar.
Declan Rice outlines bold Arsenal plan as Gunners Champions League parade revealed
Arsenal’s arrogant players believe it is possible they will win the Champions League, with the club’s hubris even extending to necessary parade planning.
Celebration Police get a kicking as Arsenal reach CL final and supercomputer support rolls in
There is open mockery of the Celebration Police after Arsenal reached the Champions League final, and we are all for it.
Arsenal and Manchester City’s ‘alive’ title race is still only about one thing: ‘BOTTLE’
The Sun have demoted Man City Bottle Fan to ‘punter’ despite knowing who he is, with an Arsenal title race question screamed but not answered.
The shocking real reason Manchester United ‘had to’ sell Rasmus Hojlund
You might think Manchester United had to sell Rasmus Hojlund because of the whole Not Being Good Enough thing, but apparently not…
Atletico v Arsenal fall-out continues with Ben White evil and feet counted
Arsenal apparently have one foot in the Champions League final after a 1-1 draw, but what’s really important is what Ben White did with his two feet.
Mo Salah penalty ‘conspiracy’ truth emerges as Chelsea star heads to Madrid
Of *course* football conspiracy theories are all a load of bunk but let’s use a correctly overturned Mo Salah penalty to discuss one anyway.
Casemiro condemned in Mainoo comparison despite being ‘only player’ to achieve feat in two decades
Casemiro achieved something no Premier League player has in Kobbie Mainoo’s lifetime, but the Brazilian just isn’t ‘comfortable mucking in’.
FSG ‘sack manager’ and Steven Gerrard ‘set for job’ in shock ‘Liverpool news’
The big Liverpool news this morning is in fact about the Boston Red Sox (and Burnley), while even the supercomputers have turned on Spurs.
The truth behind Carrick’s one-word Manchester United ‘dig’ at Amorim over Fernandes
One Sun scribe has made up a Michael Carrick quote to pretend the Manchester United boss aimed a ‘dig’ at Ruben Amorim over Bruno Fernandes.
Rosenior to ‘lose’ £11m after Chelsea axe as Luis Enrique drops Man Utd ‘hint’
Liam Rosenior’s time is up at Chelsea, prompting predictable disbelief from John Terry and others, while there’s also news on the Man United job.
Chelsea eye ‘five managers’ to replace Rosenior; Spurs star to replace ‘Man Utd flop’
It really is quite the time for London’s Big Three right now, with Chelsea and Liam Rosenior firmly under the microscope after their latest defeat.
Chelsea ‘heading for Championship like Spurs next season’ under Rosenior – if they change literally nothing
Chelsea supporters ‘are holding their breath’ knowing that if they lose every game without scoring, they might get relegated.
Arsenal ‘given title boost’ and Tottenham ‘terrify’ relegation rivals on glorious weekend of triumph
The Premier League is not boring after all, Tottenham are terrifying their rivals, and Arsenal have received a title boost. What a weekend.
Arsenal issued four-word warning by Manchester City star – but there’s a slight catch
There is a slight catch with Antoine Semenyo’s four-word warning to Arsenal ahead of their game against Manchester City on Sunday.
Arsenal success met with ‘absolute silence’ as Bayern Munich disappear altogether
Arsenal stumbled through a quite boring Champions League quarter-final but was it *really* played out in ‘absolute silence’? Non.
Mikel Arteta issues 96-word Arsenal ‘fire’ demand, slowly shrinks and transforms into corn cob
Mikel Arteta is saying some strange things, VAR is doing some strange things, and football is desperate to regain the youth vote. But not that desperate.
Manchester United hit by ‘massive defensive crisis’ as Carragher ‘snubs’ Keane ‘live on air’
One defeat has plunged Man Utd back into ‘crisis’ with one player ignored, fan(s) ‘left fuming’ and Roy Keane ‘snubbed’ by Jamie Carragher.
Arsenal bottle job guy completely bottles it as memeception grips title race
Has the Arsenal Bottle Meme Guy actually bottled it? And what’s the third biggest story in football today? We have the answers.