Liverpool make instant ‘sack decision’ as Salah ‘demanding head’ quotes invented
Do we believe that Liverpool decided to sack Arne Slot and then told one website within 15 minutes of the final whistle?
Mediawatch
Manchester United hit by ‘massive defensive crisis’ as Carragher ‘snubs’ Keane ‘live on air’
One defeat has plunged Man Utd back into ‘crisis’ with one player ignored, fan(s) ‘left fuming’ and Roy Keane ‘snubbed’ by Jamie Carragher.
Arsenal bottle job guy completely bottles it as memeception grips title race
Has the Arsenal Bottle Meme Guy actually bottled it? And what’s the third biggest story in football today? We have the answers.
Carrick cannot avoid Manchester United sack after worst possible ‘feel-good factor’ assessment
Michael Carrick has been consigned to the Manchester United sack by a harbinger of mood-evaluating doom who thinks rondos are woke.
Manchester United discover free ‘transfer masterstroke’ as Plan B after £65m ‘snub’
Manchester United have suffered a blow in their pursuit of £65m-rated(?) Elliot Anderson, but a free ‘transfer masterstroke’ has emerged.
Slot ‘performed miracle’ with ‘ageing team’ and is not ‘getting the credit he deserves’ at Liverpool
The idea Liverpool should sack Arne Slot is rubbished by one writer who believes the Dutchman ‘performed a miracle’ with an ‘ageing team’.
England doomed to more World Cup quarter-final woe as ‘Arsenal star’ warns of ‘car crash’
England’s World Cup hopes are, sadly, already over because they are going out in the quarter-finals to eventual winners Brazil, it says here.
De Zerbi ‘cancelled’ despite £60m Spurs agreement after ‘choosing not to exclude Greenwood’
Roberto De Zerbi, the new Spurs manager on a £60m, five-year deal, should not be ‘cancelled’ for selflessly rehabilitating Mason Greenwood.
Manchester United receive questionable ‘transfer boost’ over Tonali – and Spurs are ‘too good for’ De Zerbi
Manchester United are definitely signing Sandro Tonali this summer after Newcastle announced a truly revolutionary transfer ‘shake-up’.
Tottenham ‘dream’ scenario emerges as Arsenal curse strikes and ‘England star’ appointed
Tottenham have a dream scenario for their relegation fight that is unbelievably dispiriting, but at least they aren’t cursed like Arsenal.
Arsenal star ‘called out’ as Spurs handed ‘huge boost’ and World Cup ‘nightmare’ emerges
Liverpool are eyeing not one but two stars to replace Mo Salah while an Arsenal star has been ‘called out’ and Spurs get a ‘boost’.
Arsenal face summer ‘transfer conundrum’ as Mo Salah ‘dream club’ revealed
Arsenal have a ‘lost’ talisman and a ‘transfer conundrum’ while Mo Salah’s ‘dream club’ is revealed either nine or three years too late.
Salah exit prompts ‘genuine concern’ about Premier League as two Liverpool mysteries solved
Two Liverpool mysteries are solved: when will Mo Salah play his last game for them? And why do fans want Michael Olise to replace him?
Arsenal season starting to unravel as ‘injury crisis’ hits at ‘worst possible time’
Arsenal have been hit by ‘a sudden injury crisis’ at ‘the worst possible time’ for Mikel Arteta as their season apparently starts to unravel.
Good news at last for beleaguered Spurs, while Arsenal hit by worrying ‘transfer link’
Things are about to get a whole lot better for Spurs and a whole lot worse for Arsenal. The supercomputers and tabloids have spoken.
Tuchel criticised for Arsenal snub as actual child ‘protected’ from unknown England dangers
It is bizarre to see a member of the press pack question precisely what Arsenal teen Max Dowman needs to be ‘protected’ from with England.
Sancho handed ‘shock lifeline’ as ‘true colours’ revealed and more results face scrutiny
Lifelines for Jadon Sancho, true colours for Declan Rice, and England penalty shoot-out heartache months before the World Cup even begins.
Guardiola quit ‘announcement’ teased ‘within days’ as Manchester United ‘stars’ set for axe
Pep Guardiola will have a fortnight off to consider his Manchester City future; that doesn’t mean anything will be ‘announced within days’
Bruno Fernandes should NOT win award after hypocritical Arsenal ‘lesson’ learned with baffling Guehi take
Bruno Fernandes should NOT win the Footballer of the Year award because it must go to a champion. Unless it’s an Arsenal player 14 years ago.
Kai Havertz transfer gets ‘green light’ as Arne Slot reaction ‘speaks volumes’ on a mixed weekend
Are Arsenal about to sell Kai Havertz? Is Bruno Fernandes better than peak Cristiano Ronaldo? Did Arne Slot speak volumes? No, no and no.
Manchester United hatch brilliant plan to avoid Champions League ‘nightmare scenario’
Manchester United, ‘the biggest losers’ of a damaging midweek in which they didn’t even play, have an incredible Champions League plan.
Bellingham ‘behaviour’ under the spotlight as Man Utd face ‘scary’ ‘nightmare scenario’
Jude Bellingham has done something entirely normal and uncontroversial, so someone had to be weird about it, and we all missed this week’s real losers.
Kinsky ‘storms’ down tunnel and Tudor doomed, but there is some good news for Spurs…
It’s not all doom and gloom at Spurs, with The Sun somehow managing to find one small sliver of good news among the carnage.
Arsenal face ‘title race twist’ and ‘manager decision’ bombshell after ‘RIGGED’ FA Cup draw
Arsenal have been hit with a ‘title race twist’ and ‘manager decision’ bombshell after landing another plum, Quadruple-tempting FA Cup draw.
Arsenal star ‘impossible to resist’ as beleaguered Spurs boss Tudor faces growing ‘concerns’
The Daily Mirror are pretending a man who has played 29 minutes of Premier League football might be in England’s World Cup squad.
Spurs star ‘breaks silence’ after team-mate ‘appears to berate’ doomed Igor Tudor
One Spurs star decided to ‘berate’ Igor Tudor while another ‘broke’ their ‘silence’, sadly not on his decision to become a fourth official.
Jurgen Klopp stance on Man Utd job is definitely new information as ‘advantage’ handed over
Jurgen Klopp’s stance on managing Man United will shock you, as will the moment that made Brennan Johnson’s Tottenham future untenable.
Man Utd handed ‘worrying’ transfer update as three-year-old plans ‘leaked’
Amad Diallo has issued a worrying 13-word transfer statement to rattle the serenity at Manchester United. Except obviously, he hasn’t done that.
How Benjamin Sesko’s ‘drastic measures’ can ‘fix’ football after move which will ‘trigger outrage’
Prepare for your ‘outrage’ to be well and truly ‘triggered’ by some woke, ‘tradition-defying’ FIFA nonsense. Get Benjamin Sesko on it.
Van Dijk moment ‘speaks volumes’ for Liverpool as Premier League faces ‘backlash’
Virgil van Dijk shows his willingness to lose ‘cool points’ while actual war is mobilised for clicks.
Will Cristiano Ronaldo launch Manchester United takeover after ownership ‘hint’ and ‘fix’ message?
Cristiano Ronaldo using Saudi links to buy a 25 per cent stake in a Spanish second-tier club is obviously his first step towards owning Man Utd.
The five-letter Alejandro Garnacho ‘message’ that makes us despair
There’s just something about Alejandro Garnacho that screams content. But sometimes he has literally done nothing.
World Cup ‘fears’ as Arsenal and Liverpool Champions League paths ‘clear’
Football headlines that aren’t about football, exclusives that aren’t exclusives, fears that aren’t fears, and an icon who isn’t an icon. Enjoy.