Manchester United hit by ‘massive defensive crisis’ as Carragher ‘snubs’ Keane ‘live on air’

One defeat has plunged Man Utd back into ‘crisis’ with one player ignored, fan(s) ‘left fuming’ and Roy Keane ‘snubbed’ by Jamie Carragher.

Liverpool also have a huge ‘advantage’ over Paris Saint-Germain which should see them through in the Champions League.

And AI is back with some John Terry-based ridiculousness.

Lucky dip

Leeds beat Manchester United at Old Trafford on Monday night; The Sun could not have picked anyone better to do their match report.

‘”UNITED ARE back,” the Leeds fans sarcastically crowed about their hosts. They could have referred to themselves,’ reads the opening paragraph from Samuel Luckhurst, a man whose absurd self-importance apparently extends to the club he covers.

Leeds fans could have referred to themselves with that chant, you’re right. Thankfully it’s easy enough to check:

🎶 UNITED ARE BACK! 🎶 pic.twitter.com/CeLL5Ew8Jn

— Leeds United (@LUFC) April 13, 2026

It does feel as though they might have been referring to themselves.

But really the only thing we want from Luckhurst is another mood check. Is there still a ‘feel-good factor’ among a ‘galvanised’ squad? Or ‘a breeziness about the United camp that those who have covered them for years are unaccustomed to’?

Crisis management

The atmosphere will be even less positive according to The Sun’s website because…

‘Man Utd facing massive defensive crisis with just ONE senior centre-back set to be available for huge Chelsea clash’

Michael Carrick is indeed ‘set to be well short’ of centre-halves, with Lisandro Martinez banned and Matthijs de Ligt injured.

There is an assumption that ‘Harry Maguire will also be suspended for the trip to Stamford Bridge,’ which might not actually be the case and is based on the outcome of an FA charge.

The copy has since been changed to reflect that Maguire only ‘could’ miss the Chelsea game, but this is still apparently a ‘massive defensive crisis’.

But let’s pretend Leny Yoro is ‘the only centre-back that entered this season in United’s senior squad available for this Saturday’s trip to Stamford Bridge’.

That does mean Ayden Heaven, who has been in every Premier League matchday squad for which he has been available for Manchester United since February 2025, has made 15 appearances this season and will be free to face Chelsea, has to be completely ignored.

So Manchester United’s ‘massive defensive crisis’ amounts to them having just TWO senior centre-backs available. Luke Shaw can also play there, as can Noussair Mazraoui or Casemiro – if they don’t try and get the game called off like Middlesbrough in 1996.

Fer God’s sake

”A disgrace’ – Man Utd fans left fuming by what Bruno Fernandes was doing as Leeds scored,’ is the headline that sits atop The Sun website on Tuesday morning.

It is entirely standard ‘took to social media’ fare, as ‘fans were quick to point the finger at captain Fernandes’ and ‘supporters on X were not impressed with Fernandes’ reaction’ in staying on the ground after a hard but fair tackle in the build-up to the second Leeds goal.

What follows are three posts: one from a Manchester United fan, one from @ChelseaFreak_, whose bio includes ‘CHELSEA FC. HAZARD. MESSI’, and another from a Liverpool supporter.

When you can’t even cobble together enough formerly-known-as-Twitter users to justify the plural, surely it’s time to wonder whether a) the story is actually worth doing, and b) whether it’s really the biggest story in all of football.

Mirror, Mirror

Mediawatch wasn’t sure exactly what to expect when clicking on this Daily Mirror website headline…

‘Liverpool have crucial Champions League advantage over PSG that could make all the difference’

…but it did have a sneaking suspicion which needed to be confirmed. And as it turns out, yes, Liverpool’s ‘advantage’ in the second leg of a Champions League knockout tie is that they will be playing at home.

That ‘advantage’ worked so well last season, when a far better Liverpool team with an actual ‘advantage’ of a first-leg lead was knocked out by PSG, because playing at Anfield doesn’t actually ‘make all the difference’.

U’s turn

After the success of an AI-predicted World Cup in which Endrick scored the biggest goal of his career to help Brazil on their way to a sixth title, The Sun website jumps upon an entirely depressing bandwagon with this risible, forest-destroying nonsense:

‘John Terry’s Colchester takeover set to spark new stadium, Premier League dream and Netflix-style doc, predicts AI

This is apparently ‘according to data crunching artificial intelligence,’ which actually just means ‘well it happened with Wrexham so…’.

The problem, of course, being that John Terry is John Terry, and not Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney, so ‘the so-called “Terry Effect”‘ (can it be ‘so-called’ when this is the first time it’s ever been called that and it should never be called that again?) might not actually work on Colchester.

For example, ‘a Netflix-style documentary’ may not be quite as effective a) in such a bloated market, and b) sold on the celebrity standing of a former footballer who retired eight years ago, rather than some Hollywood actors.

The idea that Colchester will establish a ‘world status as a “destination club” with a global brand’ seems fanciful; the proposition that they ‘could become self-sufficient, innovative and competitive at the highest level’ within ten years is daft; the claim that ‘Colchester United could even be hearing the Champions League anthem for the first time by 2038/39’ is unimprovable shark-jumping guff.

They are being taken over by a consortium involving John Terry, not a f**king genie.

And could you not have a freelancer conjure this from their own imagination, rather than getting the entirely made-up ‘Daisy Redhead’ to write up the thoughts of ChatGPT?

Carra on

Perhaps sensing that ‘Jamie Carragher picks Steven Gerrard as best Premier League central midfielder ever’ is not quite spicy enough for a headline, the MailOnline have to inject some manufactured intrigue themselves:

‘Awkward moment Jamie Carragher snubs Roy Keane as his No 1 Premier League centre midfielder live on air as Sky Sports pundit names his top 10 – so, who takes top spot?’

That’ll do. The ‘live on air’ is a great, if entirely nonsensical dramatic flourish for a ‘snub’ which amounted to Keane being ranked as the second-best Premier League midfielder ever, behind the man Carragher played 573 games and won multiple trophies with.