Three Alexander Isak ‘bombshells’ amid Arne Slot ‘green light’

It’s still all about Alexander Isak and there have been ‘bombshells’ aplenty after words from both Arne Slot and Eddie Howe.

Arne Slot tries and fails not to make Isak headlines
‘The Alexander Isak derby will not feature Isak, but will be framed around him. Not so much by Slot, who got through a 15-minute press conference with a solitary, late mention of the forward he has tried to buy, but by the wider world,’ writes the ever-sensible Richard Jolly in The Independent.

‘Not so much by Slot,’ you say? A ‘solitary, late mention’? But what of this from the Mirror?

Arne Slot reveals three conditions that must be met to complete Alexander Isak transfer

He didn’t, did he? Even the Liverpool Echo concede that he ‘sidestepped the question’ about Isak. He revealed the square root of f*** all. Exactly as you would expect.

What he did do was talk in very general terms about transfers, beginning with the opinion that he did not think that it would be a busy end to the window.

Put this through the Mirror click-bait machine (they have two in case one breaks), and ‘Arne Slot has hinted that Liverpool could still pursue a deal for Newcastle striker Alexander Isak in the final days of the summer transfer window’.

We suspect that Slot will emerge very surprised that he ‘hinted’ at anything at all.

So what of those ‘three conditions’ that were absolutely, definitely about Isak?

“I am happy with the squad but if we think there is a player who can really make us better then this club has always shown they can bring them in. But it needs to be everything we want: right transfer fee, right position and the player wants to come to us.”

That’s literally the blueprint for every single transfer at every single club in world football.

Still, at least the Mirror did not follow their sister website with this belter courtesy of the Daily Star:

Liverpool transfer news: Alexander Isak option emerges as Arne Slot gives the green light

(To a loan for Lewis Koumas).

The f***ers.

MAILBOX: Liverpool ‘some distance from transfer genius’ if they spend £150m on ‘d***head’

Ban the bomb(shell)
Back to the Liverpool Echo and their attempts to make poor Liverpool fans believe that Alexander Isak is on his way through the door.

Just on Friday morning there was ‘£150m deal, transfer timeline set – Alexander Isak to Liverpool decision reached’ (all kinds of wrong) and then this nonsense:

Liverpool transfer news LIVE – Alexander Isak bombshell, Marc Guehi deal, Julian Alvarez move

We have searched and searched and there appears to be no ‘Alexander Isak bombshell’, because literally nothing is going on.

But that doesn’t stop the Newcastle Chronicle trailing the same…

Newcastle United transfer news LIVE – Alexander Isak ‘bombshell’, Larsen ‘agreement’, Wissa bid

At what point is it just a bare-faced lie?

Tell him about it
What actually has happened is that Eddie Howe has once again been forced into discussing Isak at his press conference.

He said it was a “sad moment” when Isak made his statement but expressed his opinion that the saga was “coming to an end quickly”, presumably because there are only 10 days left in the transfer window.

What he didn’t say, people of the Daily Mail, is this:

Eddie Howe speaks out on Alexander Isak’s ‘sad’ statement – and tells him to keep quiet – as Newcastle fight back against Liverpool’s interest in striker

The idea that meek Eddie Howe would ‘tell’ Isak anything is almost as ludicrous as the Swede’s behaviour.

A statement signing
When is a statement not a statement? When it’s a comment made by a manager in a mandatory press conference, that’s when.

Newcastle United release new Alexander Isak statement with ‘an end’ expected soon

Nope. And you bloody know it Chronicle.

Gunner catch ’em all.
We cannot end any Alexander Isak-themed Mediawatch without consulting football.london, who should have no horse in this race and yet have linked the Swede with Tottenham and Arsenal.

And now…

Newcastle drop new Alexander Isak transfer bombshell amid Arsenal opportunity

Again with the ‘bombshell’; somebody has sent a Reach-wide e-mail to ‘all editorial’.

Eddie Howe has revealed Alexander Isak’s time at Newcastle United is likely coming to an end as speculation over his future continues amid links to Arsenal.

The only ‘links to Arsenal’ that we are ‘amid’ are your ‘links to Arsenal’, because we are all ‘amid’ your business decision that all roads must lead to Isak, regardless of the relevance.

The fact that Eddie Howe absolutely did not ‘reveal Alexander Isak’s time at Newcastle United is likely coming to an end’ almost feels like a detail.