Manchester United make shock call over who to BACK in Wilcox row as Martinez FINALLY apologises

It took Lisandro Martinez long enough to say sorry for his Manchester United outburst, with the club making a shock decision over who to back.

Their call – and the identity of the second most-booked man in Premier League history – may shock you.

I want you BACK for good
The Lisandro Martinez drama has sadly died down after providing a welcome distraction from happenings on the other side of Manchester this week.

But the Daily Mirror website thinks there is some controversy to wring out of the story with this headline:

‘Man Utd BACK Wilcox after bombshell Martinez interview calls out club chief’

It just doesn’t feel like that incredulous CAPS LOCKING really applies here. Of course Manchester United BACK the sporting director carrying out their galaxy-brained transfer strategy, rather than the frustrated player taking a pop at it.

Think how bizarre it would be if they decided to BACK Martinez over Wilcox instead, and Big Sir Jim Ratcliffe came out saying, ‘yep, fair play, he’s properly f***ed it by not signing a left-back’.

It’s the FINAL countdown
Yet there is somehow an even worse example of rampant tabloid CAPITALISATION on Friday morning, this from the MailOnline:

‘Martinez FINALLY apologises for takedown of Man United transfer policy’

He apologised early Thursday evening for an interview conducted late Tuesday night. It wasn’t exactly an infernal wait.

Antics roadshow
Mediawatch has found its new favourite description of Manchester City’s ten-season, £830m, sport-shaming, fabric-altering cheating:

‘Louis van Gaal claims Man City antics influenced ‘deciding factor’ in Man Utd sacking’

The dictionary definition of ‘antics’, by the way, is ‘funny, silly, or strange behaviour’. Which absolutely reflects what those Etihad cads have done.

It is phenomenal work from the Daily Mirror website to conflate industrial scale book-cooking with Mikel Arteta leaving his technical area or a team time-wasting.

The power of Christ compels you
Andy Dunn writes an admirable piece in the Daily Mirror about how Manchester City have ‘threatened the integrity of the Premier League’ rather than that of the entire game itself.

‘The EFL is great, the non-league scene is great. There are wonderful storylines throughout the pyramid – and none of them involve VAR,’ he writes, and that is fair.

He adds that he’s ‘not spectacularly bothered by Manchester City’s cheating’ on a personal level, which is actually refreshingly honest.

But this is a particular weird and revealing line, given the bum gravy committed to print this past week:

‘In a professional capacity, I’m compelled to portray the proprietors of the club as pariahs and be sickened by the sight of its current stars carrying on with life as normal.’

It explains a hell of a lot when it comes to the ‘shameless act of defiance’ that is still playing games of football, or the ‘preening triumphalism’ that is being happy, when journalists apparently feel ‘compelled’ to ‘be sickened by the sight’ of Manchester City players ‘carrying on with life as normal’.

Unwelcome Matt
Elsewhere, we have a Newcastle legend voicing concern for the club’s current manager.

‘Alan Shearer fears for Matthias Jaissle’s Newcastle future if Toon fail to bounce back from Coventry thumping vs Villa’ is a Sun website headline which leaves no room for conjecture or doubt: Shearer is concerned about Jaissle’s continued employment if Newcastle lose this weekend.

It is at this stage that we really must let Shearer’s own words do the talking:

“If they don’t get the right result Matthias Jaissle will feel the anger of the fans, unless they see a massive improvement. That’s not acceptable, going away twice and conceding four goals.”

That’s…well, it’s not really explicitly ‘Alan Shearer fears for Matthias Jaissle’s Newcastle future’, is it? It’s more ‘Alan Shearer reckons Newcastle supporters won’t be happy if they suffer a third defeat in four games’. Which doesn’t seem especially groundbreaking, but also isn’t a hefty Newcastle voice expressing concern over the manager’s future.

On the story goes…

‘But Shearer, 56, who hit 206 goals in ten years with Newcastle, added: “You can overreact sometimes because if Newcastle had gone to Coventry and won, they’d have been fourth.

“Newcastle are where I thought they’d be at this stage of the season, so there’s no panic.”

Translation (apparently): Jaissle out.

And it was all yellow
Plenty to enjoy when it comes to the Daily Express website and their rundown of ‘The 17 players with the most yellow cards in Premier League history – No.2 may shock you’.

It is a delightfully quaint Buzzfeed-style headline, not least because of the seemingly entirely random decision to rank the top 17 players with the most bookings in Premier League history, the motive behind which becomes apparent once you see ’17) Joey Barton’.

And really if anyone is particularly ‘shocked’ by Wayne Rooney, a tempestuous staple of the Premier League between the ages of 16 and 32, who funnily enough ranks 17th for appearances in the competition, picking up the second-most yellow cards, then that is on them.

Hair today, gone tomorrow
‘Football legend renowned for iconic hair looks completely unrecognisable after shaving head’ – The Sun website.

Granted, the afro is the most distinctive part of his appearance. But shaving it off does not change the fact that Carlos Valderrama’s face looks exactly like Carlos Valderrama’s face.

Park life
But the ‘unrecognisable’ headline trope is frankly unstoppable, as evidenced by this Daily Express website story:

‘What happened to Villa Park? Aston Villa stadium unrecognisable vs Fenerbahce’

Our thoughts are with those who have struggled to identify Villa Park while it has three operational stands instead of four. You’d think the Villa players kicking a ball around on the pitch would be a bit of a giveaway but clearly not.