Arsenal second XI would finish in top six as Premier League back-ups ranked
The return of European football this week means the phony war phase of the 25/26 season is over and real test now begins with a diet of two games a week the order of the day for all the big clubs apart from Manchester United between now and the Busy Festive Period.
Squad depth inevitably becomes a key factor over these next few months, so let’s take the opportunity to rank the Premier League’s ‘Big Eight’ based on their preparedness for the task.
Obviously Manchester United don’t really belong here, but it’s still fun to look at their second XI anyway, isn’t it? Shut up, it is. And let us tell you this: it’s just as well they haven’t got two games a week.
There are, inevitably, fudges here. There is not really such a thing as ‘first XI’ and ‘second XI’ in the modern squad game. So just try and remember that it’s all a bit of fun, yeah? A distraction from the bad things that happen.
Among the biggest fudges we’ve made are those around injured players. On the one hand it felt daft to include, say, James Maddison even in a hypothetical Tottenham team. But at the same time it seemed silly to deny ourselves Noni Madueke in Arsenal’s back-up XI just because Bukayo Saka is out for a few weeks.
The rough rule of thumb is that injured players expected to be back before 2026 are included; those not expected to be seen until next year are not.
8) Aston Villa second XI
Marco Bizot; Andres Garcia, Pau Torres, Victor Lindelof, Ian Maatsen; Boubacar Kamara, Ross Barkley; Emi Buendia, Harvey Elliott, Donyell Malan; Evann Guessand
Starts off well enough, but quickly disintegrates in front of your eyes. It’s a stark reminder of just how hard teams like Villa have it in trying to compete with the country’s elite in terms of squad depth and composition.
And while we do think it’s past time they stopped whingeing about PSR and got on with it, it’s still easy enough to share or at least understand their frustration. The Thursday-Sunday workload for a team that have already made an alarmingly poor Premier League start could be killer looking at this lack of squad depth. We’ve had to include more injured players than would ideally have been the case as well, although that does at least mean we all avoid the indignity of Lindelof in midfield. Every cloud.
7) Newcastle United second XI
Aaron Ramsdale; Emil Krafth, Malik Thiaw, Sven Botman, Lewis Hall; Jacob Ramsey, Joe Willock, Lewis Miley; Harvey Barnes, William Osula, Anthony Elanga
It’s not the worst defence around, and by going with the back four Newcastle have predominantly used we do get to have Sven Botman as a high-class back-up because it’s impossible on this season’s current numbers to leave out either Dan Burn or Fabian Schar.
The midfield looks a touch flimsy, and goals may well be the problem for this team. We also retain the right to change this team about a bit once we know how exactly Newcastle plan to deploy Nick Woltemade and Yoane Wissa, but our current best guess is that both are in that first-choice XI, which does at least give this underpowered Newcastle team a couple of useful wide players.
6) Manchester United second XI
Senne Lammens; Tyler Fredricson, Harry Maguire, Ayden Heaven; Diogo Dalot, Casemiro, Kobbie Mainoo, Tyrell Malacia; Mason Mount, Amad Diallo, Joshua Zirkzee
It’s not just the first XI being screwed up by Ruben Amorim’s absolute insistence on his precious back three. In the real world, of course, one imagines he’d sooner actually deploy Casemiro back there than go with two rookies flanking poor old Harry Maguire, but it only shifts the problem elsewhere with Lisandro Martinez out of contention for the foreseeable.
Diogo Dalot being in the second XI feels like a quirk given he nearly always plays when available, but it does always feel like that’s because he’s actually first reserve in about six different positions rather than first choice anywhere.
READ: Is this the team that takes Man Utd back into Europe? With or without Amorim…
5) Chelsea second XI
Filip Jorgensen; Malo Gusto, Wesley Fofana, Benoit Badiashile, Jorrel Hato; Romeo Lavia, Andrey Santos; Estevao, Facundo Buonanotte, Jamie Gittens; Liam Delap
Can argue around the fringes of a few of these, especially Gittens v Garnacho, but it’s a solid enough team. As it ought to be for the BlueCo Player Trading Facility. It’s going to feel very odd when Liam Delap is fit again and Chelsea have two actual strikers to choose from.
What does quickly become clear with a lot of these second XIs is that the defence is very often the primary cause of concern, and that’s definitely the case here. Doesn’t help when even your first-choice keeper is no confidence-inspirer, mind.
4) Tottenham second XI
Antonin Kinsky; Archie Gray, Kevin Danso, Ben Davies, Destiny Udogie; Lucas Bergvall, Yves Bissouma; Brennan Johnson, Wilson Odobert, Randal Kolo Muani; Dominic Solanke
Spurs’ lack of defensive numbers are writ large here in a squad where Djed Spence has now surely usurped Destiny Udogie as first-choice left-back but also remains first understudy to Pedro Porro on the opposite flank. That means poor old Archie Gray gets shoehorned into this fictitious team just as he was shoehorned into so many actual Spurs teams last season.
Ben Davies as a first reserve in big 2025 is a hilarious situation, and Spurs fans will just have to keep everything crossed that Frankball continues to place far less stress on Micky van de Ven’s twangy hamstrings than Angeball did.
Further forward… it’s not too bad, although Xavi Simons’ status as the only real lock-picker in the long-term absence of both Dejan Kulusevski and James Maddison leaves a front four where perspiration would appear to significantly outdo inspiration.
We’ve had to go for a 4-2-3-1 here rather than Frank’s preferred 4-3-3 just on a numbers game; and even then we’ve had to include the apparently discarded Yves Bissouma, who was not named in Spurs’ Champions League squad.
READ: Spurs stumble through ‘miracle’ Champions League return as Frank’s side powered by Arsenal boos
3) Liverpool second XI
Giorgi Mamardashvili; Jeremie Frimpong, Joe Gomez, Giovanni Leoni, Andrew Robertson; Wataru Endo, Stefan Bajcetic; Federico Chiesa, Curtis Jones, Rio Nguhoma; Hugo Ekitike
Arne Slot attempting to solve his Trent Alexander-Arnold problem by playing Dominik Szoboszlai as his first-choice right-back gives us a strong start to this XI, with Liverpool having once again secured themselves A+ goalkeeping back-up after Caoimhin Kelleher’s years of top service.
That hole left at centre-back by the failure to get Marc Guehi over the line really is a large one, though. Really does feel like Liverpool are one halfway serious injury away from a crisis in there.
2) Manchester City second XI
James Trafford; Matheus Nunes, Nathan Ake, Abdukodir Khusanov, Rico Lewis; Nico Gonzalez, Nico O’Reilly, Mateo Kovacic; Savinho, Rayan Cherki, Omar Marmoush
It’s an XI that wouldn’t feel entirely absurd to see in action, and you can’t really ask for much more than that. Rico Lewis shuttled over to left-back is a bit of a positional fudge and there’s no denying it’s a midfield three that tends toward the dreary.
If you want an XI with more creative oomph, then Oscar Bobb could come in for O’Reilly and turn it into more of a 4-2-3-1, we guess. But the front three is good fun regardless. So it balances out. Kind of.
1) Arsenal second XI
Kepa Arrizabalaga; Ben White, Piero Hincapie, Cristhian Mosquera, Myles Lewis-Skelly; Christian Norgaard, Mikel Merino; Noni Madueke, Ethan Nwaneri, Gabriel Martinelli; Kai Havertz
Come on, now. That’s just daft, isn’t it? That’s just… just a completely fine top-six Premier League starting XI. There is not one conspicuous point of weakness, no fudge where a player is shoehorned into a secondary role to fill a gap and do a job.
Not one player you’d have any concerns about fulfilling the exact role they’re occupying here in any game.
We’d be genuinely interested to see where this hypothetical team might finish for Arsenal across a whole Premier League season, and there really would only need to be the slightest distorting of reality to arrive at our preferred banter answer of second.
If this title-chasing Arsenal Reserve team did need to freshen up their attack, they’ve still got Leandro Trossard and Max Dowman to call on. Silly.
READ: Arsenal have ‘two things’ needed to win Champions League despite Viktor Gyokeres ‘problem’
