Turning the Mailbox on its head so that joy triumphs over despair
Arsenal and Liverpool despair get relegated to the bottom of the Mailbox as we lean into the joy…until they all play again, anyway.
Send your mails on any subject to theeditor@football365.com
A favourite XI because why the hell not?
Enough of the doom and gloom of football and the constant crisis chat about nothing; let’s have some fun!
Below is my favourite , most fun first XI. Not necessarily the best, but the players I remember loving when football was more fun for me. The players I always looked out for, argued among my classmates who was the best, always bought in Football Manager, teams I was on FIFA. The players that made me love football. I want to see those teams. I’ve gone for a classic 4-4-2!
GK Jens Lehmann
The last mad keeper, an icon of the Invincibles. Had a clanger in him, but a solid keeper on his day.
RB Philipp Lahn
The best right back in the world at a time, and loved how he just changed position under Guardiola and just became a better player in midfield after already being world class.
CB Aymeric Laporte
Always a Football Manager favourite, but I’ll die on the hill that he is amazing. Was devastated when he moved to Saudi over Arsenal (if the rumours were true). Would love to have him at my club.
CB Alessandro Nesta
Just the best and a star of the early noughties Italian dominance.
LB Cristian Chivu
Another early noughties and football manager favourite. No idea if he was as good in real life, but he certainly looked good in the AC Milan colours on FM.
RW Ronaldinho
The most entertaining footballer to ever live, and arguably the reason I love this sport.
CM Alex Song
The most random, and one I can’t overly explain. Considered him an underrated linchpin in an admittedly weak Arsenal squad. I thought him leaving the summer Van Persie left was the bigger loss. He assisted both the volleys VP did at Arsenal, arguably better than his one for Man Utd.
CM Francesco Totti
More arguably the reason I love football. Mi amor!
LW Freddie Ljungberg
The pink hair and Calvin Klein underwear!
ST Thierry Henry
In my opinion, best, and my favourite, player of a pre Messi/Ronaldo era of football, when the best player in the world changed season to season. Absolutely mesmerising!
ST Ruud van Nistlerooy
The ultimate goal scorer. Always seemed to score in every game, and just brought me joy pretending to be him on the pitch.
Neill Ryan
Who doesn’t love a worldie?
After the two goals from Dorgu and Cunha in the Arsenal – Man Utd match at the weekend were labelled “worldies”, it looks like people in BTL have taken that as a bit of an insult and interpreted that descriptive as being “lucky efforts”. It’s an interesting take but a worldie isn’t a bad thing, surely?
For me (Clive), any goal outside the box that flies in is automatically classed as a worldie. To be able to beat a goalkeeper from distance, where they have time to see the ball and react to it, is no mean feat and certainly not something to be sniffed at. True, worldies can also happen inside the box too but there’s no greater worldie than seeing a ball leave a boot and nestle into the top bins. A few examples of worldies off the top of my head from my own beloved team include:
Savo Milosevic’s (remember him???) stunning strike against Leeds in the 95-96 League Cup Final at Wembley
Gary Cahill’s overhead kick to score past Small Heath Alliance to confirm the derby win (iykyk)
Petrov from the halfway line against Derby County
John McGinn’s first goal against Sheffield Wednesday, a beautiful first-time volley which not only hit the net but went in off the underside of the crossbar to do so – stunning!
Jhon Duran’s thunderbastard that embarrassed Jordan Pickford to give Villa a 3-2 win against Everton – the swerve on that ball in midair was utterly ridiculous.
Emi Buendia has had a number this season, but my favourite was the one against Spurs just for the way it came about – the first time volley from Cash, the control by Digne to lay it into the path of Buendia who took care of the rest.
Someone else in BTL nailed it with the comment “a goal is a goal”, but if a player is attempting something like this outside the box it’s because they know they can do it – it’s not lucky, it’s intentional so if someone describes a goal as a worldie then take it as a compliment rather than as an insult, even more so when it comes from obvious WUMs!
Oh, and xG can get in the bin too. Utterly pointless statistic for nerds – there, I said it. Give me worldies any day of the week.
Jeff G, West Brom Villan
(I didn’t mention Morgan Rogers because most of his goals are worldies by default…!)
England have so many bench options
The only time quadruple ought to be in a sentence with the team top o’ the league is when it refers to substitutes.
Tommy Tuchel and his elite coaching team, well at least I hope it’s elite, need to have a plan to bring on four attacking players, a la Mikel Arteta, and roar to victory in 111 degree fahrenheit, knock-out games.
Luckily England are blessed with a smorgasbord of front six players :- starting from Elliot Anderson, Wharton, Mainoo and young Lewis Miley. More number 10s than we can shake a stick at and king Harry with a winterpause in his old pins.
Seems to me Kane’s season is being normalised, but he is up there at the summit.
I am dizzily daydreaming he scores the winner v Brazil in the quarters, gets revenge against France in the semi finals, then more revenge against either Argentina (for ‘86 & Saint Etienne) or Spain for the euros final. Argentina would work better coz we’d wear red. Foden to do the Nobby Stiles jig. And a million people on the open-top bus ride route through a drizzly London town.
But it all needs 10 outfield players plus five, even six subs meshing together like the best German automobiles. Imagine bringing on Jude for Morgan Rogers plus Foden, Cole Palmer and Rashford against a dehydrated, sun-drenched, tiring defence! Perhaps with a double-dash of Alexander-Arnold sauce.
Peter (cannot fathom why Ethan Nwaneri wasn’t isn’t starting ahead of ‘Eau de Gare’ d) Andalucia
Johnny right on Carrick
Well, this is a new experience. I just read a John Nicholson article that didn’t make me want to take up smoking again. It probably helped that the old fella didn’t shoehorn in something tedious about climate change or diversity or women’s football, but it was more than that – I actually agreed with him.
Why not appoint Michael Carrick as long as he continues to get recent results between now and the end of the season? One nuance I would add though.
It’s not that ‘knows the club’ is a meaningless consideration. It’s that it’s meaningless beyond a certain point. Carrick’s impressive start will certainly in large part be down to the fact that he’s familiar with Man U’s history and culture and probably knows a lot of the longer-serving players. But that advantage expires after a few games. The mistake the club made with Ole was thinking the players would buy into him ad infinitum just because he scored a goal against Bayern once and loves Uncle Alex.
Matt Pitt
Should Man Utd have gone for Southgate all along?
During my giddy post-Newcastle-Villa haze on Sunday, I noticed a moment during the Arsenal-Man Utd game where the cameras cut away to a touchline conflab between Steve Holland, Michael Carrick and Jonathan Woodgate (two ex-Middlesbrough managers, neither of whose time in Bob Mortimerville was bathed in glory).
Aside from noting that Holland does seem to have a type, it did make me wonder if all the time, money, effort and pain that Man Utd has expended to arrive at, We’ve Got Gareth Southgate At Home, has been worth it? Should they have listened to Dan Best-in-Class-worth in the first place?
And as we begin to move through a fun year of anniversaries – 10 years since Euro 2016, Iceland, Kane taking corners, Roy Hodgson giving up in a press conference, the Sam Allardyce pint of wine – considering where we are now, I also wonder why English football has decided to stash Southgate away in a big Do Not Touch box like Raiders of the Lost Ark?
Neil Raines
Man Utd to win the Premier League? Really?
Have the entirety of Man United’s fan-base lost their minds – the collective wheel is spinning but their hamster is clearly dead.
They are 12 points off the top (and 18 off the drop), have only won 43% of their Prem games, hilariously got dumped out the league cup by LEAGUE TWO Grimsby, lost in the FA Cup despite having a home draw making it the first time since 1981/82 that the club have been knocked out of both domestic cups at the first hurdle and yet half of them think they have a shot at WINNING THE LEAGUE.
(Where? We think this might be a massive straw man as we have not seen a single Man Utd fan claiming this – Ed)
Have they forgotten the million false dawns, including three times this season. After securing three wins on the spin for the first time since God was a boy they then managed to draw with Forest and Dr Tottenham and lose at home to Everton!! After an excellent win at Newcastle preceded to draw with relegation-certs Wolves, lowly Leeds and relegation-certs Burney. There was also the time they beat Chelsea and the next game were thumped at Brentford. It’s also as if there’s a pattern . . .
Now after two great results they assume for some reason history won’t repeat so I’m calling it now – zero wins against Fulham, Dr Tottenham and relegation-threatened West Ham.
Jo (it’s the hope that kills you/and Dorgu getting crocked) Kent
Arne Slot not unlucky at Liverpool, actually
I have to disagree with Tom G’s assessment of luck unfortunately.
First of all, Brendan was not unlucky. He demanded more control of transfers and then spent the Suarez money on Ricky Lambert and Balotelli. He reaped what he sowed; guilty of thinking he was the smartest guy in the room. He also didn’t win the league with Liverpool because he was naive; not because he was unlucky. If you watch the Stevie G slip the biggest question should be, “why in the name of Thor is there nobody between Mignolet and Gerrard who is on the half way line?”. He went up against the most wiley managers the league has ever seen and forgot to wear trousers.
Klopp also wasn’t lucky to have Firmino around. Firmino was being played on the wing by Brendan and looked like a terrible signing. Klopp moved him into that 9 and made him magical. Henderson I will give you but Klopp brought Mane to the club. Salah was the laptop gurus and Klopp wasn’t happy so more luck on that one for him.
Slot is definitely a bit more nuanced. You’re absolutely right he’s awfully unlucky with respect to Jota. And I think bad luck doesn’t describe how horrid it must still be for his wife and kids. He’s also unlucky with respect to losing Leoni for the season in his debut; there’s your missing centre back who we could really do with right now. Isak it was surely predictable he wouldn’t be fit all season so I’m going to call that one in the middle.
That said, he is not unlucky with respect to having to play Gakpo every week. Ngumoha is sat on the bench looking very good and if rumours are true then Slot is avoiding playing him due to politics not talent. In football that is immediate grounds to be sacked; when you put making your point above winning football matches. He’s also not unlucky we look shit every week; his job is to coach the team. Analyse opponents, identify strengths and weaknesses and plan solutions. Changing formation 3 times per game isn’t a sign of great forward planning.
Also, teams conceding 6 goals after 90 minutes; Arsenal aren’t doing it. Mindset, focus and fight are all things that are coached too. Worrying that a season break from Klopp and our team have forgotten all these traits. From mentality monsters to one of the most weak minded and frail teams in the league. That’s not luck.
Minty, LFC
Stewie back again so feel free to close the page down now…
This is why the 365 mailbox is pure jokes! Loving the Make Arteta Great Again troupe’s latest desperate RECORD CROP HARVEST interpretation of reality. It’s truly like listening to Trump fans explain away the latest act of Desgracia.
A few highlights, to illustrate the Islington MAGA Mentality.
“We were only beaten because of one-off worldies from Dorgu and Cunha, not repeatable”
First off, this overlooks the slick interplay and fast-moving PROGRESSIVE passing through the lines (Fraudegaard, listen and learn here) that sliced Arsenal open prior to both strikes. It wasn’t a simple hit and hope, those chances were crafted as a result of risk-taking attacking pass and move. In true MAGA fashion, this point has been ignored.
The other obvious point is that it’s been hilarious to again see reference to the “We beat Real Madrid” trophy – so on the one hand, the ManYoo schooling Pulizon received is a “freak” because of two worldies that “don’t usually happen”. Hmmm ok. So do tell Fake Gazpacho-kool-aid lovers: how did Arsenal beat Madrid? Aaaah yes. 2 worldies, which involved zero interplay, from a player who had never done that in his career, and hasn’t done it since! So you see the intellectual MAGA dishonesty at play here: ManYoo’s victory is to be overlooked due to “worldies” from a player that doesn’t usually score them. But of course, Declan Rice is scoring Batistuta-esque hits every other week, that right?
We then had reference to my favourite indicator that Arsenal’s season is about to hit the skids, “comfort yourself by comparing yourself to someone doing worse”.
An Islington Arteta GOP operative actually attempted to justify IKEA’s largest discount sofa (VC / Viking Clogger) by claiming that “is Haaland also crap” etc. It’s funny how the same group of delusional sheep who’ve spent 22 years (!) claiming “You cannot compete with Citeh” will bring up Citeh’s name from nowhere, when it suits their twisted madness So easy one this. Haaland is only 25, but has already been: European Golden boot, multiple PL Golden Boot, UEFA Player of the Year, CL winner, record PL goal-scoring season.
As we speak, Haaland – who the MAGA lot are invoking as a means of defending their 27 year-old Clogging IKEA Carthorse – is really letting himself down with a paltry 20 PL goals. For context, that’s more PL goals than Arsenal’s ENTIRE attacking roster collectively. It’s like comparing a tiny beach sandcastle to the Sistine Chapel FFS. “There is also wear and tear in the current Sistine design, does that mean it’s also architecturally crap then”
It just goes to show the difference in standards. If Haaland was on the market tomorrow Madrid would fall over themselves to get him. If Gyokeres was available tomorrow, not even the worst ABBA karaoke night in London would let that inept clown in (his first touch would send the microphone into orbit anyways)
As for the “what about Citeh” comparison Basque Brent’s fanboys want to make, how many titles has Pep won the last 5 seasons blabla etc. Yeah, might wanna not start mentioning Citeh, unprompted. Your boy has blown over £1bn, and according to 22 years of deluded folklore, if you spend loads, you automatically have to win the lot. That’s how it works we were told?? “Chequebook manager”, “financial doping” etc.
My final favourite Pulizon Fanboy FC flex was the “FAKE NEWS that we do not beat big teams”. A sample of the examples used.
“We beat Real Madrid trophy” (2 worldies remember? They don’t count!)
“We beat PSG trophy” (this is the most Trumpesque one of the lot. This is misleading because it happened in the GROUP STAGES, where there is zero jeopardy. What happened when Arsenal faced PSG in the semis, where it counted? I’ll wait. So purposeful, selective obfuscation of facts. Yep, the White House has a job waiting for You lot!)
“We beat Bayern” trophy. Again. Group stages. No jeopardy. Don’t see PSV celebrating the “we won at Anfield” trophy. Even though Arteta can’t handle Liverpool this season eh!
“We beat Inter” trophy. Group stages. No pressure, top 8 decided.
I will give them one thing, Lil’ Crooked Karoline Lyin’ Leavitt would be thoroughly impressed with the magnitude of delusion, lies and misleading cherry-picked shite Pulizon’s adoring fanclub come up with!
Stewie Griffin (Slot won a PL title in his only full season, will make last 16 of the CL but is going to lose his job this summer. El Pulizon? NUEVO CONTRATO! The difference between a big club with demanding fans, and a small-time circus troupe, high on their own body odour)