‘Anti-Arsenal law’ introduced for World Cup as England and Tuchel rocked by yet more ‘leaks’
The England squad numbers have been leaked by *checks notes* actual FIFA, who have also brought in an ‘anti-Arsenal law’ for the World Cup.
Mediawatch also senses a developing theme of struggling to count when it comes to the Gunners.
But first, that rule change ‘dubbed the ‘anti-Arsenal law”.
The law is an Arse
A great many rule changes have been announced for the World Cup, which will all be implemented seamlessly and without any controversy, argument or confusion, finally bringing an end to that scourge of the sport: fans disagreeing about decisions in pubs.
Among the new laws introduced by IFAB is an increase to the scope of VAR, which can now intervene when an attacking player commits a foul at a set-piece before the ball is live, and a goal is subsequently scored or penalty awarded.
As FIFA refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina said, citing Adam Wharton’s block on a defender before Benjamin White’s goal for England against Uruguay in March:
“We try to solve this and let’s see what can be next. It would only be for fouls committed by an attacker. I don’t think any of you would be happy with a goal scored as a result of a foul being committed and the reason why the VAR can’t intervene is that the protocol says that.
“There is a clear foul committed against the defender. The attacker clearly goes and illegally blocks the opponent; his only objective is to prevent the defender from being able to defend against his opponent.
“We are convinced that this goal cannot stand, it is completely unfair. We want the VAR to intervene even if a foul is committed just before the ball is in play. We are convinced nobody can object to that.”
Simple enough. But what it absolutely is not is this:
‘FIFA rush to introduce ‘anti-Arsenal law’ for the World Cup in latest set of rule changes – with England singled out’
The MailOnline there, sensing that there are clicks to be had beyond fearing how one of England’s biggest assets might be nullified.
‘A new rule, dubbed the ‘anti-Arsenal law’, is to be introduced at the World Cup,’ writes Lewis Browning. But at no stage is it revealed precisely who has ‘dubbed’ it such.
It certainly wasn’t IFAB, FIFA or Collina. No manager or player quotes using that term either. Not even some the-social-media-site-formerly-known-as-X tomfoolery from someone with 14 followers and Cole Palmer as their profile picture.
Not once, beyond the headline and the first paragraph, is the phrase ‘anti-Arsenal law’ used again. Because no-one has called it or ‘dubbed’ it that. The MailOnline just know ‘anti-Arsenal law’ will drive more engagement than ‘anti-Wharton law’.
It’s like the ‘so-called “Arteta rule”‘ all over again.
Hide and leak
Another thing announced in time for the World Cup are the squad lists. They are sort of important.
It is on there that the shirt numbers have been revealed, which is obviously the best part of any tournament.
But this is phenomenal nonsense atop The Sun website as the biggest story in football as of Tuesday lunchtime:
‘England squad numbers ‘LEAKED’ in huge hint over Thomas Tuchel’s starting XI for World Cup 2026′
It is genuinely interesting to see which numbers have been allocated to which players. But why is ‘LEAKED’ in quote marks when a) you aren’t quoting anyone, and b) it was a document published by actual sodding FIFA?
And for the last time, there are no leaks. Only whispers.
Numbers game
But of course, where one leads…
‘England’s World Cup squad numbers leaked as Thomas Tuchel drops big hint’ – Daily Mirror website.
It is downgraded to the numbers merely having ’emerged’ by the third paragraph. But they don’t clarify from where, presumably because acknowledging that the information came from a document FIFA themselves published brings the entire edifice of a leak crashing down.
Just to confirm
And for the hat-trick, we have the MailOnline:
‘England’s World Cup squad numbers are leaked – dropping big hints over Thomas Tuchel’s starting XI in a number of key positions’
Is a ‘leak’ just shorthand for ‘something we haven’t received a press release about’ now?
The best bit is the opening paragraph which says ‘England’s squad numbers for the 2026 World Cup have been confirmed’. It’s either a ‘leak’ or a confirmation; you can’t have both.
After EIGHT
The big news over at the Daily Mirror website is that:
‘Arsenal could sell EIGHT players to fund Rogers and Alvarez transfers as Arteta bids to build on Premier League triumph and Champions League heartache’
Except by the opening paragraph we are told:
‘As many as eight Arsenal players are in contention to be sold as the Gunners plan to make a splash in the summer transfer window.’
And that just isn’t the same thing, is it? Much like hundreds of thousands, up to one million and over one million are all intrinsically different. What is it about Arsenal that make people lose their mind over numbers?
The Sun and the moon
Mediawatch was under no illusions when clicking on this Sun website headline…
‘I’m an astrologer and I know how far England will go at the World Cup’
…but it seemed safe to assume said astrologer would not keep such information to themselves.
Alas, we never are told by Inbaal Honigman precisely how far England will go at the World Cup. It is instead just forecast that two players will be sent off and, obviously weirdly specifically, “one free-spirited England player will receive a couple of yellow cards, which he’s not particularly fussed about, even going so far as to joke about it”.
Declan Rice is in retrograde and there will be a clip of him saying or doing mentality monster things, basically.
This is also absolutely textbook astrologising:
“The World Cup starts off wonderfully for the English team, as Tuchel’s neat and organised Virgo techniques are aligned with the stars.
“A real high point comes between the 19th and the 21st of June, when the Moon is in Virgo, and Tuchel is exceptionally lucky.
“Up against a skilled and talented foe, England snatch the win thanks to the Moon during those dates.”
England play on the 17th and the 23rd. Might as well fly back now, lads.
Said song
‘Premier League icon lands shock international job just days before World Cup’ – The Sun website.
From whom did Saido Berahino secure ‘Premier League icon’ clearance? Because absolutely not.
And it is indeed ‘just days before World Cup’. Nine, to be exact. But what does that have to do with taking up a place on the coaching staff of Burundi, who won’t actually be there?
