Trust Sky Sports to oversell a game and pretend it will be 90 minutes of action. Manchester United v Liverpool was a masterclass in selling sh*t as sugar.
It’s fair to say the opening two weekends of the new Premier League season have not left Johnny Nic overly impressed with what he’s seen.
Our Johnny has written a book about his experiences of having a stroke. Football helped save him, hence why he rallies against the big money and corporate values.
Manchester United are represented twice on this list of the worst shots by an elite-level professional footballer ever. Cristiano Ronaldo cannot complain.
After the admin of clearing up precisely what constitutes a ‘proper volley’, it is time to marvel at Manchester United’s title winner and the Zidane swivel.
The tedious farce of VAR continues to soil an ever-dysfunctional and uninteresting product: The Premier League.
Premier League executives cannot maintain the idea of competition if the same teams finish in the same places. But removing those sides eliminates the money
Football will be the Valium that calms this rage. That or the rain. But remember that none of this is new.
The Steven Gerrard slip against Chelsea is obviously first up but he is far from alone in making a monumental individal error leading to a goal.
There is no reason for the English, Scottish, Welsh and Northern Irish FAs to treat the idea of a GB men’s football team at the Olympics with such suspicion.
We’re not interested in a red card for a slightly late challenge here; we want unusual red cards that had us all chorusing ‘did you see that?’
Do we already know what the Premier League top six will be? Is the top flight a sealed league for the big clubs?
Scotland has been either ignored or exploited by England for years so don’t get upset when they support Anyone but England.
Come right this way for your Beckhams, your Cristiano Ronaldos back when he could take the odd free-kick, and most importantly your Juninho Pernambucanos.
Gareth Southgate is the best manager England have ever had. That’s just counting, says John Nicholson. And there are no points for aesthetics.
Jose Luis Chilavert’s ears will be burning as it is time to run down the greatest goals scored by keepers. Liverpool and Manchester United get a mention.
The offside toenails and involuntary handballs in the Germany v Denmark game were yet more proof that we do not matter to football’s wealthy overlords.
The standard of penalty-taking has increased exponentially but scoring from 12 yards was made to look incredibly difficult by John Terry, Neymar and friends.
The idea that England would be reinvigorated by a new manager is absurd, says John Nicholson. Just accept the endemic failure.
In more than one way, Roy Keane was too late in trying to prevent Erling Haaland from existing. But that wasn’t the worst injury Sir Alex Ferguson ever saw.
England are not the only European team with thugs, but England might be the only team with this behaviour at the heart of its identity.
It is not often Danny Welbeck can be grouped in with Marco van Basten, Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Cristiano Ronaldo but that is the magic of the Euros.
Gareth Southgate will get the blame when England fail but these England players are not playing with their brilliant club teammates.
Anyone who is anyone in the American game has passed through Fulham at some point. And then there are the smart keepers, one of whom started at Liverpool.
The election is looming and there is nonsense everywhere on every platform. And in some ways that’s just like football.
There must be something about Liverpool because they have benefited from some classic own goals, with Bayern Munich boss Vincent Kompany scoring a beauty.
Every industry is plagued by well-paid suits with pointy tan shoes and big job titles. Do Man Utd need a ‘director of football insights and innovations’?
Vinnie Jones gives as good as he gets and the 1970 FA Cup final gets a mention, but Ben Thatcher’s thuggery will take some beating for appalling violence.
VAR and Tories out now! You know it makes sense. John Nicholson argues that VAR is essentially a Tory-style lie. Both should go.
Manchester United have a couple of entrants while Trevor Sinclair and Gary Cahill are keeping some phenomenal company when it comes to great overhead kicks.