Five hours of TNT ‘barfing’ for a ‘mid-table fifth-tier match’ was A Lot
Never let it be said TNT does things by half.
Just the five-hour programme for the Europa League final with a two-hour build-up, employing some of their least insightful pundits to say obvious things which could be applied to any game like “Man United have just got to go for it” (Rio Ferdinand, 2025). Are there games when they don’t?
Gareth Bale appeared to be amused at his own words; James Maddison looked like a sixth-former with a stick on beard; Sir Alex wobbled pitch-side like Young Mr Grace (ask yer grandad); Rio and Scholesy honked into the void for a while until everyone had lost the will to live.
The flashbacks just rubbed salt into the open wounds, particularly as they illustrated just how far Manchester United had fallen. As soon as anyone attempts to describe footballers as potential match-winners, there is so much cognitive dissonance having actually seen them that it invalidates everything. At which point my 11 meg of broadband couldn’t take it anymore and snapped for an hour. I don’t expect I missed anything.
When it came back they were still at it. Good God, make it stop. I felt sorry for the presenters who were forced to squeeze out the barfing for so long. Whose decision was it to do the five-hour show? And who do they answer to? I wonder what creative reason they invented to justify it? I watch football every day of every week and it was even too much for me and too low in quality.
Eventually the football started. Commentary from Coisty and Fletch was a bit less energetic than usual; the game seemed to sap their enthusiasm. Both sides were lucky to be playing each other because if either was playing anyone half-decent, they’d have no chance. Still, poor sides can be fun to watch…I should know, I’ve spent my life doing it. At least there isn’t a massive resource imbalance.
MORE ON SPURS BEATING MAN UTD FROM F365:
👉 16 Conclusions on Spurs winning the Europa League: Amorim sack, Postecoglou vindication, terrible Manchester United
👉 Rio Ferdinand blames £25m Man Utd star for Europa League final defeat to Tottenham
👉 Ten Europa League final players who should be axed in Man Utd, Spurs rebuilds
👉 Amorim offers to quit ‘without conversation or compensation’ if Man Utd want new manager
The pace was ridiculously frantic for the first half, as both sides competed to be the most useless, as error strewn and incapable as each other, proving the validity of their league positions. It could have been a mid-table fifth-tier match. Even the opening goal couldn’t have been more scrappy. I enjoyed the game because I love really poor-quality football. It’s amusing hearing them trying to excuse the clumsy play.
Chappers says “it was awful” at half time. Hard to argue. Why did anyone think it wouldn’t be? United weren’t anywhere good enough. Spurs just did a Mourinho, less Angeball more Jose-ball. Fletch and Coisty just started talking amongst themselves because there was nothing going on. Spurs didn’t really have to do much really beyond one good save and booting it off the line.
It stains the competition that two such poor sides made it to the final, illustrating the effect of grotesque financial inequalities. That they could both be so rotten but in a final should, but clearly won’t, invite UEFA soul-searching.
Great that Ange won. I hope he sticks it up all his critics who’ve delighted in torturing him. And how heartwarming it was to see him hugging his wife and kids. No one knows the stress they’ve all suffered just for headlines. His post-game interview showed a man almost physically transformed by the weight off his shoulders. Gone was the brooding bear, back came the everyman.
There were lots of pointless “how does it feel?” interviews. But it was clear this was the best outcome for TV; the redemption arc was irresistible.
That they won with one shot on target (ish) and 29% possession shows how little Spurs had to do to beat a moribund United who will now delay and cock up sacking Amorim because of Ineos ineptitude, led by the Worzel Gummidge-style fool. A Bodo/Glimt v Lyon final would have definitely been better, if not as funny as two wealthy sides playing fifth-tier standard football.