Amorim sack clear as ‘eerily similar’ Ten Hag trend spotted and ‘escape route’ emerges

Ruben Amorim’s battle to keep hold of a job nobody – himself included – appears convinced he actually wants continues to dominate the headlines.

But there is good news for the Beleaguered Manager in the form of an all-important and definitely real ‘escape route’.

There’s also a surprise favourite to replace him, the identity of which is only slightly more surprising than the apparently equally surprising news that every Champions League team will play eight group games.

Surprise, surprise

‘Newcastle signing a player and what it means for Alexander Isak’ makes a brave bid to reclaim the newsy top spot, but for another 24 hours at least that dubious honour remains with Ruben Amorim and his Manchester United travails.

The Mail bring us this headline.

Surprise Premier League boss emerges as bookies’ favourite to replace Ruben Amorim at Man United – with three Champions League-winning managers also in the frame

Now full disclosure, Mediawatch had already looked at the odds and knew who the actual favourite was and thus thought this must be a rogue update delivered to the Mail via press release from one bookie doing a daftness for attention.

But no. It actually is Oliver Glasner they’re talking about as a ‘surprise Premier League manager’ to be favourite for the United job.

Guys, come back to us when Keith Andrews, Scott Parker, Mikel Arteta, Graham Potter, Arne Slot or Pep Guardiola is favourite for the United job and we promise to be surprised. Mediawatch’s unscientific calculations would place Glasner – high-level coach massively overachieving at smaller Premier League club – among the two or three least surprising current Premier League managers to be favourite for the United job right now.

Deja vu all over again

Meanwhile at the Daily Express, we have confirmation that it’s already essentially all over for Ruben Amorim anyway. You simply cannot argue when trends like this emerge.

Ruben Amorim spotted doing same thing Erik ten Hag did a month before Man Utd sacked him

Uh-oh, he’s definitely f*cked now. What’s he been up to?

Ruben Amorim was spotted doing something eerily similar to Erik ten Hag not long before the Dutchman was sacked by Manchester United last year.

Is Amorim now bald?

Ruben Amorim could be on the brink of following in Erik ten Hag’s ill-fated footsteps, particularly if Thursday morning’s events are anything to go by.

Put us out of our misery, lads. What’s he done?

The beleaguered Manchester United boss was spotted arriving at Carrington training ground at the crack of dawn, hours after one of the most humiliating nights in the club’s history.

Okay.

In a show of determination, the Portuguese coach arrived at the training ground well before 7am the next morning, resolved to salvage something from the disaster. However, this move bears an uncanny resemblance to Ten Hag, who did the same last year following a devastating 3-0 defeat to Tottenham. And many pinpointed that moment as the start of the Dutchman’s downfall at the time.

Does Mediawatch really need to point out the obvious here? Is the more pertinent ‘eerily similar’ uncanny footstep-following here in fact more likely to be the actual humiliating results part itself, rather than turning up to work quite early the next day?

That grisly Tottenham defeat last year was already United’s third in their first six Premier League games of the season. It wasn’t even the first 3-0 home defeat of the Premier League season for a manager deeply fortunate to have survived the summer.

The only people for whom his turning up to Carrington at early doors the next morning marked ‘the start of the Dutchman’s downfall’ were those who had simply not been paying any kind of attention.

Body of evidence

And the Daily Star appear to have bagged a huge exclusive here, dropping this bombshell cherry on the news cake.

Ruben Amorim ‘gobsmacked’ by Man Utd and ‘will walk away as he feels sabotaged’

And if you have any doubts about those quote marks there, let us assuage those for you now.

Ruben Amorim looks “exhausted mentally and emotionally” at Manchester United and will quit the club before he’s sacked after the humiliating defeat against Grimsby, according to a top expert

That’s right. Not just an expert. A top expert. Presumably someone who knows Amorim personally and is privy to his innermost thoughts and knows just what he’s thinking.

Ruben Amorim looks “exhausted mentally and emotionally” at Manchester United and will walk away from the club before he’s sacked, according to a top body language expert.

Oh, for fu… Mediawatch’s own body language is extremely easy to read at this point.

Pipe dream

Still, it’s not all bad news for old Rubes. The Mirror bring glad tidings from his homeland.

Ruben Amorim already has Man Utd exit route with possible job in the pipeline

Nice one. What’s the job, then?

Ruben Amorim is set for talks regarding his Manchester United future but Benfica, the club where he previously played, have made their admiration for him known ahead of their presidency election

We’re going to have to interrupt here. Because alas Benfica have not made their admiration known. Rather, one presidential candidate has made his admiration known. In significantly couched and caveated terms, when directly asked.

Armed with this knowledge, it’s fun to watch the conviction gradually dribble away from this piece as it goes on. By the intro, the ‘exit route’ he ‘already has’ becomes this:

Ruben Amorim faces showdown talks regarding his Manchester United future but the Portuguese coach could find refuge at Benfica if his Old Trafford tenure does end prematurely with his former club keeping tabs.

Could find refuge, could he? Keeping tabs, are they?

If Amorim does leave – whether by his own choosing or because he’s axed – then he could find himself on the radar of Benfica.

This exit route is starting to sound extremely theoretical. But what’s the quote upon which this entire story hangs? That should solidify things.

Presidential candidate Joao Noronha Lopes, when specifically asked about Amorim, said this.

“He’s an excellent coach, under contract with Manchester United. I won’t destabilise Benfica. They have a very important match ahead of them.”

Feels like we’re once again in familiar ‘saying the exact opposite would be more newsworthy’ territory here.

But we can’t deny the facts. If Amorim leaves Man United and if Noronha Lopes wins Benfica’s presidential elections in October then possibly the stars could align.

We’re pretty sure Bruno Lage, having steered Benfica through Champions League qualifying and picking up two wins from two at the start of the Primeira Liga season, will understand.

EIGHT ball

Mediawatch has been deeply disappointed this summer by the distinct lack of stories about which Champions League draw pot Arsenal/Spurs/Chelsea/etc. might end up in. Harrowingly, it appears absolutely everyone has twigged that under the new format it makes absolutely no difference to you which pot you’re in; you’ll still play eight games with fixtures against two teams from each pot.

But we are apparently all still supposed to be surprised about teams playing eight games, judging by this Mirror headline.

Champions League draw IN FULL as Liverpool and Arsenal learn EIGHT group opponents

Surely if you wanted to go with the shock all-caps number here you’d go with SIX English clubs, which is at least novel?

But then apparently Liverpool and Arsenal are the only TWO of the SIX English clubs whose EIGHT group opponents are of any significance anyway.

EIGHT isn’t the only thing in caps, though, is it? And while it’s a bit odd to so highlight the one thing we knew for certain before the draw – how many games each team would be playing – it is at least accurate.

What of that ‘‘Champions League draw IN FULL’?

Here’s the fixtures in full for all Premier League and other Pot 1 sides…

So ‘Champions League draw IN PART’. To be fair, EIGHT fixtures for THIRTY-SIX clubs is a lot to do IN FULL.

Elegant variation of the day

Some standard Paddy Power schtick has seen the nation’s most quiet and thoughtful limelight-shunning bookmakers run a poll over which is more useful: Ruben Amorim’s now infamous tactics board or a chocolate teapot. Stunningly, that poll duly delivered precisely the result they wanted and knew their self-selecting audience of banter fans would deliver.

We’re not interested in any of that. We are, though, interested in The Sun‘s telling of the story and this genuinely elite second mention.

In a vote conducted by Paddy Power, fans were asked to make a call on whether the notoriously useless edible hot drink dispenser was more valuable than Amorim’s strategy device – and voted overwhelmingly in favour of the chocolate teapot.

It’s so good that it’s only on second reading that we’ve even spotted the additional second-mention charms of ‘Amorim’s strategy device’. Although we would humbly suggest there is here a missed opportunity to elegantly vary Amorim himself. Surely ‘the beleaguered United gaffer’s strategy device’ would be even better?

But look at us, trying to Mediawatchsplain second-mentioning to the people who’ve come up with ‘notoriously useless edible hot drink dispenser’. The absolute nerve of us.