Sunderland win gloriously petty derby as Rogers, Haaland shine in title race and Vicario awful for Spurs

Big thanks to the Premier League for putting four big games on simultaneously. Here’s a round-up for you, starting with the whopper of the day.

Derby victory for gloriously petty Mackems

“It is chaos – mayhem and chaos,” John Murray said on commentary midway through the first half, more we would suggest in anticipation of what the Tyne-Wear derby should be rather than what what was actually playing out in front of him.

That description hints at what was indeed a stunning lack of quality between the two sides, but is also suggestive of an end-to-end affair which it just wasn’t. Neither side had had a shot on target even after Sunderland took the lead early in the second half, as Nick Woltemade planted Nordi Mukiele’s cross into his own net.

“That was just barmy,” Peter Drury said having searched his commentary database of gods, mythical creatures and unusual place names and coming up empty in description of a quite funny but ultimately sh*t goal in what for what a casual football observer would have been condemned as a sh*t game of football.

There was though the sort of intensity and ferocity one would hope for from one of the biggest derbies in English football. Sunderland players roaring back at roaring home fans after crunching tackles and at any other given opportunity, while their Newcastle counterparts fell into their trap of making this a battle they always looked set to lose.

And in a glorious parting gift for Magpies trudging from the stadium, who had seen their team referred to as ‘visitors’ on the scoreboard in a sign of the pettiness to come, Sunderland posed for a photo in front of their own fans just as the Newcastle players did at the Stadium of Light after their FA Cup victory in January 2024.

The next derby can’t come soon enough for Sunderland and their fans as they look to improve on their quite extraordinary record of seven wins and there draws in their last ten Premier League meetings.

Haaland makes knackered Palace pay

Crystal Palace could have been 3-0 up and should at least have been in front when City took the lead, with Yeremy Pino missing the best chance, clipping the bar when played in over the top by Adam Wharton, who produced a ‘look at what you could have’ performance in front of Pep Guardiola, as opposite number Nico Gonzalez paled in comparison to Palace’s deep-lying playmaker.

But Erling Haaland got a chance and Erling Haaland scored, with just his second touch in the Palace box, making a very difficult header look absurdly easy from Matheus Fernandes’ cross. That was his 16th Premier League goal in his 16th game of the season, and he rounded off victory for City at Selhurst Park with his 17th from the penalty spot.

Phil Foden’s fine strike from the edge of the box following an excellent run from Rayan Cherki split Haaland’s brace and lifts City back to within two points of Arsenal at the top of the table.

A disappointing result for Palace, who again looked like they ran out of energy after a midweek game. They’ve now lost four and drawn one of their games after Conference League clashes, with their dalliance on the continent this term currently costing them in their bid to secure European football again for next season.

Morgan Rogers the second-best thing at Aston Villa

“There’s only Pep Guardiola who’s a better manager than Unai Emery in the Premier League,” Jamie Carragher said in the Sky Sports studio. And while there’s little doubt that Emery is the absolute best thing at the football club, there’s also little doubt that Morgan Rogers is the second best.

His first goal required a perfect first touch and fine swivelled finish into the corner and the second was pure technique. He’s now got the Marcus Rashford-esque dipping strike from distance nailed. Focus on the contact and the ball will do the rest. Alphonse Areola had no chance.

Ten wins in 11 Premier League games is ridiculous, made all the more so by Villa failing to win any of their first five and failing to score in the first four.

And we suspect Emery and his Villa players – who again showed their desire to fight by coming from behind twice at West Ham – will take great motivation from continued suggestions that they’re not really in the title race despite being just three points off the top.

Oh, Vicario

Only Wolves (7) have made more errors leading to opposition goals in the Premier League this season than Tottenham (5) after Callum Hudson-Odoi was gifted the opener at the City Ground.

Spurs fans on social media were very eager to lay as much of the blame as possible at the door of Guglielmo Vicario, who’s become the chief scapegoat under Thomas Frank this season.

Jeered by the Tottenham (un)faithful after his blunder in defeat to Fulham last month, it was his pass into Archie Gray, rather than the midfielder’s poor touch and dawdle which allowed Ibrahim Sangare to pick his pocket, which was the focus of the X ire.

Gray is fortunate as he a) was screaming for the ball as he dropped to receive it, b) had to lay it off first time in the knowledge (which he should have had if indeed he didn’t) that Sangare was breathing down his neck, and c) that Vicario made a second mistake to ensure Tottenham’s mini-revival under Frank came to an end.

Cross-shots like the one Hudson-Odoi scored from – which was definitely on the ‘crossier’ side of that balance – can fly in without the goalkeeper being at fault. But it’s really not a good look for the goalkeeper when they drop into the bottom of the side-netting rather than somewhere near the top corner.

Vicario could do nothing about Sangare’s stunning strike from the edge of the box, which swung away from the Tottenham goalkeeper and in off the post. And the performance from Spurs was such that this was a very long way from a game which can be written off as one which got away from them thanks to the errors of one man.

Toothless in attack, awfully weak when defending the flanks and clueless in midfield, particularly when looking to build attacks. And after Frank hailed the improved “structure” of their attacking patterns in the build up, Spurs were back to getting the ball and having very little idea as to what to do with it.