Why are Liverpool flop Wirtz and Manchester United failure Sesko being called ‘007’?
Florian Wirtz and Benjamin Sesko are most at risk of being cast in one of the early season’s most embarrassing and undesirable modern roles.
It was first bestowed upon Jadon Sancho when he made an inauspicious start to his Manchester United career after joining from Borussia Dortmund for £73m in July 2021.
A player who scored 50 goals and assisted 64 in 137 games in Germany summarily failed to carry that form into the Premier League, attracting the immediate mockery of perhaps the single worst hellscape ever conceived: Football Twitter.
Sancho was eventually crowned ‘007’ for failing to score or assist in his first seven games – he finally netted in his 15th appearance in a Champions League win over Villarreal – with even actual Sky Germany picking up on the commotion.
There has been a clamour at the start of every campaign since to find the next 007: a forward signed at great expense and to considerable fanfare they at least initially struggle to justify.
So who is in the frame for the title so far in 2025/26? Using Premier League figures only, these are the individuals Daniel Craig should be fearful of.
Florian Wirtz: 005
An easy way to circumvent that pesky Community Shield assist is simply to take Wirtz’s count from the Premier League specifically. It robs the world of his inevitably goal-and-assist-less Champions League start against Atletico Madrid but keeps things respectable and clean.
Benjamin Sesko: 005
It is harsh considering Sesko’s flick-on set up Bryan Mbeumo to win the penalty which caused Enzo Maresca’s entire head to fall clean off, but rules are rules.
Anthony Elanga: 005
While undeniably a harsher reflection of Newcastle’s profligacy than any particular slight on Elanga’s own end product, Jacob Murphy has usurped him for a reason.
Noni Madueke: 005
The agent has been decommissioned due to injury but upon reassignment in a couple of months he will need to properly try and force those Arsenal apologies.
Thierno Barry: 005
David Moyes loves a project striker and he does have an admirer in Thierry Henry, although possibly only because he sounds like his unlicensed alter ego.
Matheus Cunha: 004
Bryan Mbeumo has avoided regressing to the mean but fellow xG overperformer Cunha has found things a little more difficult, going eight Premier League games since he last scored or assisted if the end of his time at Wolves is taken into account.
Jamie Gittens: 004
Might be worth reading up on Strasbourg.
Arnaud Kalimuendo: 004
He has yet to actually start in any competition, but Kalimuendo will know that excuse won’t wash.
Evann Guessand: 004
In all fairness, Aston Villa is basically MI6 at this point.
Mateus Fernandes: 003
The institution of West Ham is far too busy imploding for anyone to actually prosper.
Liam Delap: 003
The Club World Cup is disqualified on account of it allowing Robert Sanchez to call himself a global champion. So when Delap returns from his injury the pressure is on.
James McAtee: 003
Playing 67 minutes across three substitute appearances is presumably a ploy from Nottingham Forest to make former Manchester City benchman McAtee feel at home.
Yeremy Pino: 003
Eberechi Eze went his first six Crystal Palace games without scoring or assisting before doing both in his seventh.
Jacob Ramsey: 002
It does appear that selling him has caused Aston Villa as a football club to start eating itself but an injured Ramsey is yet to make a proper impact at Newcastle.
Omari Hutchinson: 002
A victim of the Nuno and Edu beef, Hutchinson is patiently waiting for his chance.
Dilane Bakwa: 002
In an hour against Burnley at Turf Moor on his first Premier League start, Bakwa had two shots and created one chance. That and playing for Ange Postecoglou bodes well.
Tyler Dibling: 001
It was £40m spent on what Dibling could become more than anything else, especially having only scored four goals and assisted three in 44 Southampton appearances.
Alejandro Garnacho: 001
That Enzo Maresca U-turn is definitely still on Garnacho’s mind.
