Arsenal make ‘huge decision’ on captaincy as Neville doubts progress

In the quest for spicy Arsenal news, we are led to believe that a ‘huge decision’ has been made about the Arsenal captaincy.

Elsewhere, Gary Neville doubts the Gunners’ progress and Manchester City are dismissed.

Captain sensible at Arsenal

Mediawatch’s spidey senses were a-tingled by this headline in the Daily Star (yes, we know):

Arsenal news: Pep Guardiola makes title prediction as Gunners make huge decision

First, Pep Guardiola has not made a ‘title prediction’ (saying “I have the feeling now that Arsenal is not going to drop much points” is absolutely not a ‘title prediction’, you loons).

But more importantly, what the f*** is this ‘huge decision’ that Arsenal have made? We need to read this in full to appreciate the utter sh*thousery of this particular headline…

Arteta has shed light on the abundance of leaders within his squad, highlighting the significant role that captain Martin Odegaard plays at the club.

Currently, Arsenal’s impressive form is bolstered by the five key players who constitute Arteta’s leadership group: Odegaard, Bukayo Saka, Declan Rice, Gabriel and Mikel Merino.

However, with only one player able to wear the armband as the official captain, Odegaard was once again bestowed with this honour ahead of the new season.

The Gunners’ gaffer disclosed that the Norwegian international was the resounding choice among his teammates, who conducted a dressing room vote to select their leader.

And do you know when Arteta ‘disclosed that the Norwegian international was the resounding choice among his teammates’? On August 15 when the man who had been captain for three successful years was given a vote of confidence that was only a formality.

Successful captain NOT stripped of captaincy shock!

And over two months later we are told that ‘Gunners make huge decision’. FFS. They didn’t even make a huge decision in August. Does it even qualify as a tiny decision if literally nothing changes?

And the Star are not alone; this is a Reach-wide phenomenon of nonsense:

‘Who are the five players in Arsenal leadership group as squad votes on who should be captain’ – Mirror.

‘Arsenal squad vote on who should be captain as five players in leadership group emerge’ – football.london

‘Arsenal latest: Vote made on captain as Pep Guardiola makes Gunners title prediction’ – Express.

Arsenal latest! They voted in sodding August.

Neville Neville

In the search for Arsenal controversy despite them cruising towards the Premier League title, MailOnline splash this:

Gary Neville names the points tally Arsenal need to win the Premier League title – even though he DOESN’T think they’re better than previous years when they’ve ‘accepted failure’

Neville has ‘named the points tally’ by saying “mid-80s, high 80s”, which does not feel an awful lot like an exact science but, well, the points tally that would have won the title last season.

But what madness is this that he DOESN’T think they’re better?

“They aren’t miles better than last year but are repeating levels of consistency and that’s all they are going to have to do this year to win the league.”

Oh. They aren’t miles better. How dare he? The cheeky b***ard.

Newcastle right in the Slot

There’s being nakedly opportunistic and then there’s the local Newcastle Chronicle website smashing out this headline:

Arne Slot gets Liverpool sack warning as brutal chant heard in Newcastle row aftermath

Is everything that happens to Slot and Liverpool this season going to be ‘in Newcastle row aftermath’? Technically, yes. And you almost have to admire it.

READ: Where will Liverpool 2025/26 end up in the top 10 worst Premier League title defences?

It’s Haal or nothing for Manchester City

Andy Dunn is chief sports writer at the Daily Mirror but he is also a massive Liverpool fan.

So it feels a tad pointed when he writes of Manchester City’s loss to Aston Villa: ‘This defeat highlighted what has become blindingly obvious. If Erling Haaland does not find the net – this blank brought his scoring streak to an end at 12 matches – then City appear to have precious few alternative threats.’

It might have rung a little less bitter had Dunn not spent the opening three paragraphs lauding a goal-line clearance from ‘Savinho’s goal-bound strike’.

And if City had not had 18 shots from 10 different players.

A new low

Jadon Sancho in new low as he gets football’s ultimate humiliation – as the subbed-off substitute – before giving boss Unai Emery the cold shoulder

You already know that’s a MailOnline headline because it is f***ing massive.

What you don’t know from that headline is that Unai Emery said that the plan was always that Sancho “was going to play 30 minutes”, but the Aston Villa boss “decided to play more and he played 45 minutes”.

Playing more minutes than planned really is the ‘ultimate humiliation’.