Arsene Wenger doubles down on his terrible offside bollocks; we need an intervention

Arsene Wenger is back on his unhinged hobby horse and that’s not the only bad news for Arsenal with revenge missions and William Saliba’s future all up for discussion in today’s Mediawatch.

Side by side
There is almost nothing in this world that more entirely freaks Mediawatch’s nut than Arsene ‘Le Professor’ Wenger’s utter, pig-headed inability/refusal to identify the incredibly obvious flaws in his long-championed grand plan to save the offside law.

He was at it again on beIN Sports last night, going entirely unchallenged as he once again outlined his plan to restore ‘advantage’ to the attacker.

He wibbled:

“In 1990 we decided that no offside anymore when you are on the same line.

“In case of doubt the doubt benefits the striker. That means when there’s a fraction – the striker could get the advantage.

“With VAR this advantage disappeared… It’s frustrating.

“That’s why I propose that as long as any part of your body is on the same line as the defender then you are not offside.”

We barely need to go into the problems with this. Not least because the first time this absurd plan was pulled apart on these pages was so long ago this might still have been an actually good football website at the time. It was pre-Covid, for crying out loud.

But, clearly, the problem lies not with the current offside law but rather the VAR-led insistence that it is an objective matter of yes or no that can be decided by drawing a line. Moving where you draw that line doesn’t solve the problem of decisions existing narrowly on each side of that line, and Wenger’s way simply turns frustrating toenail offsides into toenail onsides that will look way more egregious and boil far more p*ss.

Mediawatch’s position is that we’d actually like to see the Wenger Rule adopted if only for the sheer joy of the entire sport descending into pure and total goal-laden chaos for about six weeks before every team in the world except whichever poor sods Ange Postecoglou happens to be managing at the time retreat into the drabbest low block imaginable and goals disappear altogether. Essentially it would be like the introduction of the backpass law on steroids.

Some snarky media columns just want to watch the world burn.

The actual important point here, though, is that Wenger is not just some random ex-player/ex-manager pundit shouting at clouds.

Even then it would still be bad enough that nobody in that beIN studio was willing or capable of pulling him up on his ‘These go up to 11’ foolishness. This man is FIFA’s head of global football development and is still actively trying to get this law in the books. It is not just broadcasting but sporting necessity that compels everyone who hears him say these things out loud in public to immediately at least try to patiently explain to him why it is complete and utter terrible bollocks.

New look
And no, Daily Mail, this is not a ‘radical new offside law’ proposal from Wenger. He’s been chatting the same insane sh*t for years and years and years now.

Exit doors
You can imagine Mediawatch’s disappointment when we saw the following Daily Mirror headline…

Eight Liverpool players who could follow Trent Alexander-Arnold through Anfield exit

…and eagerly clicked through only to find a list that contained eight actual genuine members of the Liverpool first-team squad who might feasibly leave this summer. Your Darwin Nunezes. Your Diogo Jotas. The Caoimhin Kellehers Of This World.

That’s not at all how these things are supposed to work, and the Mirror’s failure to get that total up into double figures with a handful of academy departures had us worried that Reach had entirely lost the run of themselves.

Imagine, then, our relief when seeing this equally prominent headline…

Man Utd decide on three more players leaving Old Trafford at end of season

…about Jack Kingdon, Sam Murray and James Nolan (combined Man United first-team appearances: zero) and knew that balance had been restored to the universe.

Pepe show
How to make Wolves and Everton being linked with a Villarreal player a sexier sell as a transfer story? Well if that player is Nicolas Pepe and you are the Daily Express, like this:

Arsenal flop who went public with Mikel Arteta fall-out could get shot at revenge

If he joins Wolves or Everton and that has any meaningful relevance to Arsenal’s 25/26 season then, with all due respect, he has achieved more than revenge.

General hilarity aside, Mediawatch was drawn to two paragraphs in particular.

Pepe’s spell in north London did not go entirely to plan. His return of five goals in his first Premier League season was underwhelming, and although he racked up 16 in all competitions the following his campaign, he went on to become a peripheral figure in 2021/22.

So that’s five goals (and six assists – that’s important later) in his first Premier League season. And yet…

…the wide man’s resurgence in form at Villarreal has piqued the interest of Everton and Wolves. Both clubs are said to be ‘keeping an eye’ on Pepe’s situation as he comes to the end of an impressive season in La Liga, which has seen him notch seven goal contributions in 24 games.

That’s certainly one way to finesse the numbers when you need a five-goal season to be ‘underwhelming’ and a two-goal season to be ‘impressive’.

All clear
The now ubiquitous ‘as’ headline (see Mediawatches passim) is surely now approaching its final form after this spectacular Daily Star effort.

Arsenal transfer news: William Saliba asking price clear as star wants out

Obviously you’re all going to be a step ahead here and know that the star who wants out is not in any way William Saliba. And well done you, you’ve nailed it. The ‘star’ is Jamie Gittens and where he ‘wants out’ of is Borussia Dortmund.

This qualifies as Arsenal transfer news because Arsenal might possibly be one of the teams maybe interested if he decided to return to England. But mainly we suspect because it offers up this wonderful headline opportunity where it can be so heavily implied but very carefully never expressly stated that Saliba wants out of Arsenal.

Still, though, even if we ignore the ‘as’ mischief there’s still an actual story in that headline, isn’t there? Someone from Arsenal stating an asking price for Saliba is surely the only way such a thing could become ‘clear’? Isn’t it? Guys? It couldn’t just be a made-up number plucked directly from a Daily Star writer’s arse and anus? Could it? Guys?

The Gunners have not publicly disclosed a price tag for the player, but it’s believed that an offer of £85m could tempt them into selling.

Oh, for fu…

Look left, look right
From the Daily Express:

Liverpool could sign left-field right-back to replace Alexander-Arnold for free

Surely left-field is the last place you’d want to go looking for a right-back, even if Kyle Walker-Peters, for it is he, could technically be argued to qualify here on all counts.