Ronaldo reprieve and six other times Gianni Infantino was an insufferable pr*ck
Getting Cristiano Ronaldo off is a genuine disgrace – but Gianni Infantino has plenty of form for being an awful, narcissistic dick.
Infantino is approaching a decade as FIFA president, in which time he has shown himself to be a shameless, power-hungry sycophant.
We’ve picked out seven times he showed his true colours. There are many more, but the internet is only so big.
Let’s start with the most recent act of bastardry…
Reprieving Ronaldo after White House soirée
Infantino would doubtless claim he had nothing to do with Ronaldo being reprieved to allow him to feature in Portugal’s first two matches at the World Cup finals. But his slimy tentacles will extend to the FIFA disciplinary committee which, almost without precedent – certainly a relevant one – suspended two-thirds of the Portugal superstar’s suspension for violent conduct.
Let’s not forget, his elbow into Dara O’Shea’s ribs and the subsequent cry-arsing as he left the stage in Dublin was completely blatant. It gave FIFA and Infantino a problem, because we couldn’t possibly have a World Cup without Ronaldo front and centre at every available opportunity, could we?
How did they wriggle out of it? By blowing the dust off Article 27 of their disciplinary code, allowing them to suspend most of Ronaldo’s ban while him and Infantino indulged in a spot of mutual back-scratching.
A one-game suspension saw Ronaldo miss the final qualifier against Armenia – Portugal coped by winning 9-1, offering further evidence that they might be a more fluid side without the 40-year-old – freeing him up instead to escort Infantino to perhaps the worst dinner party imaginable in the White House, with Donald Trump, Elon Musk, Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman and a cast of other truly dreadful people.
Whaddya know, less than a week after rubbing the grubbiest of shoulders, Ronaldo was off the hook. Which absolutely f***ing stinks. Especially for Roberto Martinez.
Inventing the FIFA Peace Award to suck up to Trump
In the run up to the World Cup, Infantino has been so far up Trump’s rectum that the president can taste the FIFA chief’s bald balm.
The sycophancy has been horrifyingly shameless. It was bad enough when, in August, Infantino took the World Cup trophy to the White House and, talking in a tone usually reserved for spoilt children or despotic autocrats, passed it to the US president.
“Only the FIFA president, presidents of countries, and then those who win can touch it, because it’s for winners only. And since you are a winner, of course you can as well touch it.”
“Can I keep it?” replied Trump, almost certainly not joking.
As face-cavingly cringeworthy as that exchange was, Infantino took the toadying to a whole new level last month.
While his new BFF was bitching about not winning the Nobel Peace Prize, Infantino again took the approach he might with an overindulged toddler. He grabbed the shiniest object to hand and presented it to Trump as the first ever, made-up-on-the-spot FIFA Peace Prize.
“In an increasingly unsettled and divided world, it’s fundamental to recognise the outstanding contribution of those who work hard to end conflicts and bring people together in a spirit of peace,” Infantino said. “Football stands for peace, and on behalf of the entire global football community, this prize will recognise the enormous efforts of those individuals who unite people, bringing hope for future generations.”
Thank Christ Infantino wasn’t around in 1936.
Inviting Messi and Miami to the Club World Cup
Infantino has shown he is happy to expand his tournaments and bend their rules to make sure his bezzie mates don’t miss out. But even when those nefarious methods don’t work, he’ll bring them anyway.
“Congratulations on your wonderful 2024 Supporters’ Shield success!” Infantino exclaimed to Inter Miami at the end of the MLS 2024 regular season. “You have shown that in the United States, you are consistently the best club on the field of play. Therefore, I am proud to announce that as one of the best clubs in the world, you are deserved participants in the new FIFA Club World Cup 2025 as the host club representing the United States.”
A lot to unpack there. Seattle Sounders were already representing the home nation on merit. And Inter Miami were not the best team in the US last season. A fact proven when they immediately fell at the first hurdle in the MLS play-offs. As winners of the MLS Cup, crowned on the same weekend as the Club World Cup draw, LA Galaxy were.
But Lionel Messi doesn’t play for the Galaxy. And like Ronaldo at the World Cup, regardless of merit, Messi simply had to be a headliner at Infantino Fest 2025.
The speech when he had all the feelings
It’s been a while, a little over three years, so remind yourself of the chops on this fella on the eve of the Qatar World Cup…
If it’s not convenient to watch the video, or you don’t trust yourself not to destroy your device once you have, let us relay his opening remarks, after which most of those present were too busy choking on their own vomit to listen on.
Today I have very strong feelings. Today I feel Qatari. Today I feel Arab. Today I feel African. Today I feel gay. Today I feel disabled. Today I feel a migrant worker.
I feel like them because I know what it feels like to be discriminated, to be bullied as a foreigner in a country. At school I was bullied because I had red hair and freckles. I was bullied, plus I was Italian, so imagine.
Yeah, imagine… imagine the level of c*ntiness necessary to compare his experiences as a wee ginger to those of the properly persecuted.
From there, he went on to accuse critics of Qatar’s human rights record of hypocrisy and the media of racism for, among other things, exposing that some ‘fans’ were paid props on the set of the most gratuitous sportswashing project to date.
It would have been funny if it wasn’t so tragic. Literally, for many migrant workers.
MORE: F365 in The Room Next Door to Infantino for that clusterf*** of a press conference
Linking biannual World Cups to averting migrant deaths
Not content with making the World Cup a 427-team competition, Infantino wants to make it a biannual event. Not because he’s a creepy megalomaniac, but because it will stop migrants dying in the ocean, apparently…
“This topic is not about whether we want a World Cup every two years, but about what do we want to do for the future of football. If we think about rest of world and the vast majority of Europe, then we have to think about what football brings. Football is about opportunity, about hope, about the national teams. We cannot say to the rest of world give us your money, but watch us on TV. We need to include them.
“We need to find ways to include the whole world to give hope to Africans so that they don’t need to cross the Mediterranean in order to find maybe a better life but, more probably, death in the sea.
“We need to give opportunities, to give dignity. Not by charity but by allowing the rest of the world to participate. Maybe the World Cup every two years is not the answer.”
No, no it’s not. For many, many good reasons. None, though, that might make a cretinous egotist take a pause.
Likening his ascent to power with Rwanda’s rise from genocide
Infantino has made a habit of sticking his pristine-white size 9s right in it when it comes to what many with a smidgen of self-awareness might consider a thorny issue around Africans and death…
For in 2023, before a deferent crowd in Kigali while sweeping unelected to a third term as president – no wonder Trump relates – Infantino took the acclaim before likening his rise to the top of FIFA with Rwanda’s recovery from genocide.
Infantino said his personal mission to drive the FIFA gravy train was inspired by a visit to the African country’s memorial to the horrors of summer 1994 when 800,000 people were slaughtered in 100 days.
“I said, ‘Who am I to give up,’” he recalled. “What this country has suffered and how this country came back up is inspiring for the entire world. So, I certainly couldn’t give up because someone was telling me something. I stayed, I continued to campaign, I was elected FIFA president.”
Truly, this pr*ck’s narcissism knows no bounds.
The bromance with Salt Bae
Remember when Infantino formed half of 2022’s hottest power couple – him and that steak shagger?
