Sesko the new Hojlund and Gyokeres a flat-track bully: Eight summer signing fears coming true

We’re five games into the Premier League season and some of the fears over big summer signings are being realised.

All of Liverpool, Manchester United and Arsenal appear to have made striker blunders, while Chelsea have signed a downgrade and Newcastle can’t get better than Jacob Murphy.

Viktor Gyokeres is a ‘flat-track bully’ 
The major concern having watched Gyokeres plunder a gazillion goals for Sporting was whether he could match or even get near those goalscoring heights against superior opposition in the Premier League. The stats are damning.

He’s scored three in five games so far, two against newly promoted Leeds and the third against a Nottingham Forest side whose manager had been in place for about four minutes. Not only has he failed to score against Manchester United, Liverpool and Manchester City, he’s accrued an xG of 0.0 in those three games.

Mikel Arteta says Gyokeres is “trying his best”, bless him, and we assume the Arsenal boss will continue to insist a lack of service is to blame until Kai Havertz returns to fitness and replaces the Swede for these big games.

Jamie Gittens is a Noni Madueke downgrade
It doesn’t say much for Gittens’ standing five games into his career at Chelsea that at no point amid Enzo Maresca’s irrational substitutions against Manchester United on Saturday was there any great dismay at him failing to turn to the £48.5m winger to get them back into the game. At least Alejandro Garnacho was on the verge of being introduced before being snubbed in favour of Tyrique George and Malo Gusto.

He looks like a man who doesn’t truly believe he should be there, in many ways the antithesis of Madueke, who may not have set the world alight at Stamford Bridge, but never lacked for confidence. And after his fine start at Arsenal, it feels as though Chelsea have simply nurtured, developed and improved one winger to aid their Premier League rivals and replaced him with another at the start of that journey, very possibly without the same self-belief to take those positive steps forward.

Florian Wirtz is too lightweight
While we totally understand why he’s been targeted and have absolutely jumped on the bandwagon, Wirtz has not been half as bad as the Liverpool-baiting media and fan responses to his performances would suggest.

As much as anything, we all just need a stick to beat the Premier League champions-elect with right now, and much of the criticism is based around the fear of just how f***ed everyone else is when he and Liverpool actually start playing well. We’re getting the jabs in while we still can.

A common slam is how easily he appears to get knocked off the ball. And he does look lightweight, but we are now all looking for examples which we’re guessing could be found by analysing the footage of plenty of Premier League No.10s. We don’t particularly remember Phil Foden or James Maddison bullying their way through opposition challenges, for example.

Benjamin Sesko is the new Rasmus Hojlund
There has perhaps been no greater sign of just how far the Manchester United stock has fallen than their fans batting away criticism of their new £67m striker after he was hooked at half-time in the victory over Chelsea by extolling the virtues of an Andy Carroll-esque flick-on from a long punt up the pitch.

That was one of eight touches for Sesko in a half of football against 10 men in which he completed three passes, had no shots and didn’t attempt a dribble. He’s had five shots in 207 minutes of Premier League football. We know what you’re thinking – if only he was getting the service. Sound familiar?

Liverpool don’t need Hugo Ekitike and Alexander Isak
As great headaches for a manager go, the struggle to choose between a striker who’s already got four goals and an assist and the most expensive Premier League signing of all time is a real doozy.

Alan Shearer reckons Slot “has to play” Ekitike after his fine start to life at Anfield, but although we would all revel in Isak continuing to watch Liverpool games rather than playing in them after escaping that whole-season reality on deadline day, Slot also sort of has to play him, doesn’t he?

Eberechi Eze is not a left winger
We don’t suppose Arsenal fans care all that much which left winger changed the game and secured victory in their Champions League opener before scoring an equaliser against their title rivals in the very next game, but you would have got pretty long odds on that player being Gabriel Martinelli at the start of the summer transfer window. Nico Williams or Rodrygo may have been more likely.

Martinelli wouldn’t still be at Arsenal if they had received a good enough offer for the Brazilian, but still looks like their best bet on the left wing over Eze, very simply because Martinelli is a left winger and Eze is not.

Arteta should accept Havertz-esque defeat now.

Anthony Elanga isn’t worth £55m
Our suggestion that Elanga may not be worth £55m to anyone else but is to Newcastle was predicated on him being able to replicate something similar to what he did for Nottingham Forest last season for his new club.

Having started the first two games of the season he’s taken up a spot on the bench for the last three, which makes us wonder just how good a right winger Newcastle need to sign in order to one day displace Jacob Murphy.

Senne Lammens is not a No.1
Asked whether Altay Bayindir is now his No.1 goalkeeper having started every Premier League game so far this season, Amorim insisted “nobody has a place that is his place”. He may very well have said the same thing had Manchester United signed Emi Martinez or Gianluigi Donnarumma, but either one of them would now definitely be in the starting XI.

Bayindir may grow into the role and prove himself capable, but no right-minded United fan will have any real hope of that being the case, and they may currently be wondering why their club has spent 18 million precious pounds on a back-up goalkeeper who we can only assume is at best a minor improvement on the man currently tending goal.