‘Lonely’ Ruben Amorim throws a party amid ‘drastic’ U-turn. Or something.

Manchester United manager Ruben Amorim has been ‘speaking volumes’ with his decision to go ahead with a party that wasn’t his party.

He has also been making drastic and dramatic U-turns that are nothing of the sort.

Pump up the Manchester United volume

Mediawatch has written at length about the phrase ‘speaks volumes’ and how it has somehow been given a power beyond its actual meaning (‘If something speaks volumes, it makes an opinion, characteristic, or situation very clear without the use of words’).

It has become ubiquitous in modern football reporting and examples from just the last 24 hours include:

‘Declan Rice’s message to Gabriel Magalhaes after Newcastle United clash speaks volumes’ – Chronicle Live. Nothing to do with Newcastle United, it’s not a ‘message’ and it didn’t ‘speak volumes’. Other than that, all good.

‘Arsenal’s Bukayo Saka decision speaks volumes as Mikel Arteta makes feelings clear’ – football.london. The story: footballer in line to get new contract commensurate with his standing in the Premier League. Does that ‘speak volumes’? At least it fulfills the ‘without the use of words’ criteria. A reluctant tick.

‘Jarrod Bowen message about West Ham ‘buzz’ speaks volumes about Graham Potter’s demise’ – football.london. Nope.

But we go, as is so often the case, to the Manchester Evening News for the most egregious case.

What Ruben Amorim did after Brentford speaks volumes about his current Manchester United mindset

Did he sob? We would hardly blame him. He is apparently ‘lonely’. Did he throw something against a wall? Did he Google the next plane back to Lisbon?

Well, let’s hand over to Chief Manchester United Writer David McDonnell, who is presumably taking that mantle across all Reach publications after the defection of Samuel Luckhurst to The Sun.

Under-pressure Manchester United boss Ruben Amorim held a team bonding day for players and their families – despite his increasingly precarious position.

Did Ruben Amorim ‘hold a team bonding day for players and their families’? Or did Manchester United arrange – many weeks ago – a family day at Carrington to which players’ and staff families were invited, with lunch and activities provided for around 100 guests? We’re edging towards the latter.

And McDonnell absolute agrees.

The open day for players and their families, attended by Amorim and his family and held at United’s Carrington training ground on Sunday, is understood to have been arranged before the start of the season to allow the squad’s wives, partners and children to see first-hand the £50million upgrade to the facilities at the complex.

So absolutely not ‘held’ by Amorim but instead ‘attended’ by him because – and we are making assumptions here – Amorim is not personally responsible for the £50million upgrade to the facilities at the complex. Though that might explain why he is still in a job.

The fact the open day still went ahead, despite the crushing loss at Brentford, shows that, for Amorim at least, it remains business as usual, despite the pressure mounting on the United boss, who has won just nine of his 33 league games in charge, losing 17 of them.

We cannot stress this enough: This was clearly not Amorim’s decision to make. It was not his party. The fact that it went ahead did not ‘speak volumes about his current Manchester United mindset’. What it does is show that when large companies arrange social events months in advance, they generally go ahead.

C-c-c-c-called a U-turn

Elsewhere, there’s some absolute nonsense being written about Tyrell Malacia being reintegrated into the Manchester United first-team squad.

We are told by the Mirror that it’s a ‘dramatic U-turn’ and by the Express that it’s a ‘drastic U-turn’.

Which all rather ignores the fact that Malacia was literally included in Manchester United’s 25-man Premier League squad and – as the Manchester Evening News report – it ‘was always the plan to reintegrate Malacia into the first-team group’.

Sometimes, just sometimes, there are no U-turns and nothing speaks volumes.

Hammer home that narrative

‘NEW MANAGER Nuno Espirito Santo has already impressed West Ham fans by finally deploying a highly-rated young star who is the son of a club assistant,’ says The Sun.

‘Many fans expected the youngster to have a significant role with the first team this season, but he struggled to find minutes under Graham Potter.

‘Hammers supporters didn’t hold back in their praise for the midfielder, nor with their condemnation for Potter’s decision not to use him.’

Pesky fact: Freddie Potts played 45 minutes for West Ham against Chelsea under Graham Potter; he played 31 minutes against Everton under Nuno Espirito Santo. Finally.